#i can't even think about or process the breakup thing because it just seems so stupid and small in the face of everyone else

[greencarnation]

this all happening at the same time as i go through the most disgusting drawn out overdue breakup of my life is unfair. i feel insane

[love-belle]

i should hate u !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is them using shady captions to communicate and the media and fans being confused.

or

for when you loved them too much. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // max verstappen x fem!reader

sequel - today and tomorrow and every day after that ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this <3 i was initially gonna do daniel ricciardo one first but i already had 1/2 of this done so i just decided to post this :) thank u sm for reading <3 i love u

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f1news y/n y/l/n and max verstappen called it quits almost a month ago and it seems like they didn't end on good terms at all. the singer, at her london show last night, threw shade at her ex-boyfriend, saying and we quote, "the next song wouldn't have been possible without this one dude who inspired it obviously. so — here's 'i should hate you'. spoiler alert, i do. thank you!" the reason for the split is still unknown but sources who claim to be close to the pair said that 'it was bound to happen — with their different goals and plans for the future," seemingly referring to the talks that y/l/n wanted to get married and verstappen didn't. both of them have yet to comment on the situation. for more details, click on the link in our bio.

278 comments

username WOAH

username pause.

username ahahahahaha say what.

username oh my god 💀💀💀

username NOT HER CONFIRMING THAT I SHOULD HATE YOU IS ABT MAX

username no bc the way her voice cracked so many times in between the songs like girlie is angry AND hurt

username OH MY GOD

username i genuinely have no words

username omg the photos are NOT of her shading max. it's her laughing at a fan who yelled "you're the baddest bitch of all baddest bitches" at her

-> username YEAH LIKE SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO CRYING WHEN SHE SANG ISHY

username my delusional ass thinking they ended on good terms 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username nah it's so champagne problems and you're losing me kinda thing i can't handle this whatcthe fucj

username OH WHATCTHEBFUCJ

username me getting the big guns out to defend her AND max with my LIFE

username still processing their breakup give me a year to digest this information

username STOP WHAT THE FUCK

username my parents ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

username no bc she's genuinely such a sweet person so if she said this max must've done something 😭😭😭😭😭

-> username STOP NO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

username can't believe she's saying this about a dude for whom she wrote "feels like" for like wow.

username I WAS AT THAT SHOW AND SHE LOOKED SO SAD AFTER SHE SAID THIS I FELT SO BAD

-> username SHE ALSO STARTED CRYING WHEN SHE FINISHED SINGING I MISS U IM SORRY AND ZARA (HER LEAD GUITARIST) HAD TO RUN AND CONSOLE HER

-> username AND SHE SAID THAT THE LAST MONTH HAS BEEN HARD ON HER AND SHE APOLOGIZED IF THE SHOW WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS

-> username NAH MOTHER ATE AS ALWAYS

username y'all saying this but not the fact that she ALSO said "in another life we would've worked but im grateful for everything i had because for a moment you were mine"

-> username MY HEART JUST BROKE WHATCTHEBFUCK

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

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maxverstappen1 i know i say that i am better now, spoiler alert, i am

8,926 comments

username the way my jaw dropped

username THE PICTURES

username GODDAMN

username someone take away y/n's phone before she hits back 💀💀💀

-> username the way i know that she would absolutely destroy him

username NOT THE PHOTOS OMG

danielricciardo spoiler alert, also a liar

-> maxverstappen1 you promised you wouldn't snitch

username he definitely cried while posting this idc

username max babe it's okay to admit that u miss ur wifey bc same 💔💔💔

-> username "wifey" girl he didn't even wanna marry her

-> username not another word.

username funny haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 im crying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now get back with mom.

landonorris no you're not

-> maxverstappen1 i will block you

username lando and daniel exposing max 💀💀💀

username no bc he probably cries whenever he remembers that he fumbled a baddie like y/n

username "it's all better with you ❤️"

-> username i could've gone along with my day without seeing that just saying

-> username delete that RIGHT NOW before i start crying

username missing max simping for y/n like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

charles_leclerc i swear i can hear you crying from my hotel room

-> maxverstappen1 WE'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HOTEL

username the way im SO sure he heard y/n saying that she hates him and that was the moment he gave up

-> username nah bc he was one of the "my girl's mad at me i hope i die" kinda guys

-> username wonder how he's surviving this tbh

username I CAN'T TAKE THIS SERIOUS IM SORRY THE POST IS JUST TOO FUNNY

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yourusername i hate you lol

12,628 comments

username HELP

username she could only get this much in before her manager took away her phone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*liked by yourusername*

username no bc girl had a lot to say she's just trying to keep it cute

*liked by yourusername*

username the way i know y/n FOUGHT for the right to post this caption

username this is MILD bc i know y/n can be ruthless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

landonorris "in love" alright.

-> yourusername IT'S FOR THE AESTHETIC

username mother and father are fighting i can't take this what tye fyxk

username 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

username mother slays everyday just saying

username no bc if y/n ever said ihy to me i would give up just a thought

lilymhe pretty bitch

-> yourusername u sure that's not u?????

username i REALLY hope she's at the next gp

-> username no bc the way max and her meeting would definitely be more entertaining than the race itself

username NOT THE SONG LYRICS WHAT HAVE U PLANNED

-> username oh fuck that broke my heart what the fuck

username missing my man max in the comments section being a whipped bitch so bad ://////

carmenmmundt can't wait to see you darling 🤍

-> yourusername counting down the seconds omg i missed u!!!!!!

username y/n's manager has her on lockdown i can tell 💀💀💀

-> username with what she said at her last show i wouldn't be surprised

landonorris the post has reached the target and the target is currently eating ice cream while singing your songs

-> yourusername OH OKAY

-> yourusername good to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username she's so pretty it's not fair wtf

username the caption omg

-> username it's SO mild compared to what i was expecting tbh 💀

username slay

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maxverstappen1 it's all better now

comments are disabled for this post

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yourusername and i swear to god i'd kill you if i loved you a less hard

13,728 comments

username SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

username OH MY GOD

username IS THAT MAX WHATCTHEBFUCK

username NOT Y/N SOFT LAUNCHING HER EX BOYFRIEND

username GIRL 😭😭😭😭 get up

username this is INSANE

username MOTHER?????? WHAT IS THIS??????

danielricciardo the most stressful week of my life if we're being for real

-> yourusername u can send m*x the therapy bill

-> maxverstappen1 don't. i did not agree to that.

username HER SONG LYRICS OH MY GOD

username SHE WROTE THIS SONG FOR MAX 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username okay but like. are we SURE that's max?????

-> username i simply refuse to believe that it's someone else so yes. that IS in fact max.

username OKAYYYYYYY

username did NOT see this coming in a thousand years

username obviously VERY happy for them but y/n censoring max's name is so fucking hilarious like

-> yourusername babe it's m*x

-> username my bad ur absolutely right it's m*x

-> maxverstappen1 this is bullying

username DID HE PUT A RING ON IT WHATXTHEBFUCK

-> username NO BC THAT WOULD MAKE SM SENSE

username so i lost SLEEP over nothing????????

maxverstappen1 nice pants

-> yourusername thanks they would look better on ur floor

-> maxverstappen1 say less

-> username i think i just died whatcthebfuxk

-> username oh they're GOOD now

username imagine they just drop engagement photos out of the blue then what.

-> yourusername imagine lol

-> username WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

username i just know y/n's eating up every moment of this chaos

-> maxverstappen1 demons thrive in chaos so

-> yourusername well! it was nice to reconcile for a couple days, goodbye now.

username im crying whayctrhbfcuk

landonorris mother father

-> yourusername child

-> maxverstappen1 no

-> username ah yes the four family members mother father child and no

username THE HEART THE EVERYTHING THEM

username they STILL don't follow eachother LMFAO

[hoonieyun]

collecting tears - jongseong

jar of tears that were shed for jongseong

park jongseong x reader "y/n"

genre: angst, breakup, the one that got away

warnings: profanity, mental illness/depression, overall 18+

summary: no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get jongseong out of your head. two years after your tear filled and emotional breakup, he's still on your mind but it seems he hasn't thought about you since that night.

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier olivia rodrigo - happier word count: 2007

text in italics are flashbacks

You saw him in everything. 

You saw him in the way your glasses reflected the light as it sat on your vanity.

You saw him in the way your guitar collected dust in the corner of your bedroom. 

And you saw him in your reflection as you stared at your tear stained face and dark circles under your eyes. 

The memory of Jongseong that you held onto hurt more than the idea of being without him, because being without him only led to the memories of when you were with him, something that no longer exists in your life. 

Jongseong. 

The events of your tear filled and emotional breakup replays in your mind often, Jongseong’s tired face and the broken picture frame scattered into thousands of pieces in your bedroom. You could hear the argument in your head like it was playing through a speaker that followed you wherever you went. The last words you ever spoke to him ringing in your ears as a constant reminder that your inability to process your emotions and failure to stabilize your mind was the reason you were so lonely, even two whole years after your breakup. 

It’s a gloomy afternoon in the middle of September. The weather foreshadows the inevitable dreary, dull, and dark outcome of what your life would be for years to come. You had been in bed all day, crippled by your anxiety and depression, making it difficult for you to make any rational decisions or clear judgement of what you should be doing. 

Your phone fills with unanswered calls and texts that would remain unanswered until you convinced yourself enough that you weren’t a burden to others. Something that you wouldn’t be able to shake off for almost half a year from today. A feeling that still lingers and creeps up onto you every now and then. 

“Honey?” a voice asks from beyond the darkness of your bedroom. You quickly wiped away your tears and did your best to make it seem like you weren’t crying the whole day. Pulling yourself up and dragging the blanket further up your body to cover yourself as if your boyfriend, Jongseong, was anyone you should be hiding away from. His tenderness and soft demeanor was the first thing that attracted you towards him, his good looks was just a plus. 

“Honey, are you still sleeping?” Jongseong asks as he slowly pushes the door of your bedroom open, a slight creak sounding from the hinges as light emerges from the other side of the door, Jongseong’s silhouette outlined by the light. “Hi… No, i’ve just been in bed. Doing some thinking…” you say, trying to avoid the fact that you were just crying and hoping that he doesn’t notice as he makes his way closer. 

Your bed dips as Jongseong takes a seat next to your figure, still hiding under the blanket. It goes without being said but Jongseong knew you all too well.

He knew when you were really happy over fake happy because true joy spreads across your face when your eyes widen and you blink a thousan times, like you were trying your best to contain your joy but ultimately failing. 

He knew when you were upset because you would sniffle your nose as a way to avoid awkward silence or having to voice out your feelings. 

And he knew when you were sad because you��d rather surround yourself in the comfort of the darkness instead of reaching out to the hand that could pull you away from the dark. Much like how you were right now. 

Jongseong would’ve never abandoned you. He vowed that he would always be by your side no matter what, had you let him. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he asks, already knowing the answer but he’s made it a habit to encourage you to vocalize your feelings so that it would be easier for you to process them. You only hummed in response but you knew that you should’ve told him how you felt in that moment because it only manifested into something worse. 

He sighs at your response, he would be lying if he said that sometimes he wished it was easier, but what was love if it didn’t have some ups and downs. Jongseong just hoped that it was up more than it was down. You scoff at him. Your anxiety was already talking you closer to a ledge and you didn’t need this from him right now. You were convinced that he only came here to make you more upset and the voices validated that outrageous claim over the evidence that Jongseong only had love for you. 

“You don’t need to be here. You can leave.” your harsh words piercing into Jongseong’s heart, a feeling of guilt over hurt as he had hoped his presence alone would be enough to make you feel better but it only made you feel worse and he didn’t know why. 

“Why would I leave? I want to be here, let me take care of you.” Jongseong says, inching closer to you but you quickly recoil away from, widening the distance like your mattress was meters long. “What’s wrong? Y/N, talk to me…” Jongseong urges but his pleas of wanting to be let in only read as judgement. Like he was judging you for the way you were instead of trying to understand you. Your mind forces a lie for you to believe over the truth, that Jongseong loved you and he wished you knew how much he did. 

He loved you more than anxiety loved to cling onto the smallest piece of doubt in your mind. 

He loved you more than you loved the darkness. 

And he loved you more than words could say but no amount of words could ever tell you that. 

“Just leave, I don’t need you here to think I’m someone to take care of and be seen as a burden!” you say, voice now a bit louder as frustration begins to build inside of you. “Honey, you’re not a burden and I’d never treat you like that.” Jongseong says as he settles his hand over your thigh, rubbing it softly over the blanket. 

“Why do you do that? Huh?!” you ask, scattering away from his touch and dragging yourself out of bed to stand in front of him. 

“You think you can just come in here and act like I’m some poor and unfortunate thing that needs to be fixed or that needs to be looked after. I know you see me as a burden Jongseong, you just don’t want to say it because you’d rather convince yourself that you love me instead of facing the truth. 

What did you even come here for? To make sure that I wasn’t doing well? So you could come and swoop in to save the day? You see me as nothing more than just a sick puppy to take care of. You’ve only stayed as long as you have because you pity me more than you love me.” the words just continue to spill out of you. the voices inside of your head had fully convinced you that everything you were saying was the truth and you were only just helping Jongseong face it. 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He loved you more than anything and he couldn’t process the fact that you only saw him as someone that pitied you over someone that truly loves you. Because he did. He loved you… or was he starting to believe that what you were saying was in fact the truth. 

“How could you say that?” Jongseong says, voice low and discouraged. Great, now you had upset him and intead of focusing on yourself you now had to worry about your boyfriend’s feelings. 

“I- You know what. We’re done. Get out.” your voice was dull but it stabbed Jongseong’s heart like it was nothing. “What?” he says in disbelief and you don’t even give him time to process as you're grabbing his wrists and doing your best to drag him out of your apartment. His body was heavy as he tried to stop you but there was something, aside from you, pulling Jongseong out of your apartment and away from you. 

Was it wrong to say that maybe there was a small chance he had been waiting for you to push him away? That he had been secretly hoping you would finally get tired of him so that he no longer had to deal with you? Was that so wrong for him to want to be happy in the chance that it meant not being happy with you?

As he pondered these questions, the slam of your front door knocked him out of his thoughts, eyes glued onto the brown paint of the front door. Jongseong contimplated to knock on the door, beg for him to be let in, but he chooses not. Dropping his hand to his side with a sigh as he turns on his heel and walks away from your apartment. 

And ultimately walking away from you, forever. 

You, on the other hand, waited on the other side of the door, tears welling in your eyes the longer you waited for Jongseong to try and make his way back in. Hoping that you would hear his voice that you loved so much, ask for you to open the door so he could take care of you. 

Because maybe, even if you thought you didn’t need it, you did need to be taken care of. And Jongseong was the person who had done that for as long as you could remember. 

But the longer you waited the more sadness and regret filtered out the insecurity and doubt. Leaving you to stand in your home, alone, and never to see Jongseong again. 

You drag yourself back into your bedroom, flickering the light on and the first thing your eyes fall to is the framed photo of you and Jongseong. The photo was of the day he asked you to be his girlfriend. A photo of you sitting in the middle of a field for a picnic that he had planned. Flowers and your favorite food and snacks sitting next to the both of you on the picnic blanket. 

The anger you felt from the photo surged throughout your body and without even thinking you swipe the photo off your vanity, tears flowing from your eyes as it crashes to the floor into thousands of pieces. 

You would have hoped that two years after your breakup that you would’ve gotten better and gotten over him, but you fell back into the cycle of shrouding in darkness when a photo of Jongseong appears on your SNS. 

He’s smiling, hair done in the way you liked, in a suit that made him look like a prince, and an arm around the waist of a girl you didn’t know. Your eyes trailed over from his arms, to her waist, to her arm, and then to the ring on her finger. 

It felt like your heart shattered in that moment. Like you were offended and hurt that Jongseong would ever choose another girl over you as if you gave him a choice like you hadn’t made that choice for him. 

More tears well in your eyes as you glance over to Jongseong again. His smile was so beautiful and that was when you realized you had never seen him smile like that when he was with you. He seemed so happy and it hurt even more knowing that he was happy without you. 

But there was no one to blame but you. 

You forced him away and what a waste of a life for Jongseong to never choose happiness. 

You only ever wished that he would be happy. 

Just as long as he’s not happier without you. 

Maybe in another life. When you weren’t so convinced that everyone hated you and that you were deserving of Jongseong’s love. 

Maybe in another life. 

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

the credit for the lyrics used in this piece of writing go to their rightful owners

[urf1lterr]

afterglow | pedro pascal [2/3]

"tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when i lose my mind"

previous chapter: [1]

summary: being nominated for an oscar was a dream come true, until you had to spend the rest of the night near your deceitful ex who still loved you.

pairing: actor!pedro x actress!reader

genre: acting world!au, enemies/exes to lovers ?? au | angst, fluff, fighting, mature

word count: 15k

status: 2/3 complete

author's note: SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT LOVES. even though its gonna be three parts lol i still want you to want more. i've been confused on my writing because tbh- i feel like i could do better and keep rushing with these storylines and end up regretting them AFTER they are posted lol. not edited- it really isn't.

"Let's cut the chit-chat and get some real answers, why did y'all breakup?"

"Andrew!"

"Three days have passed, she's fine now," he defended, shrugging as Florence shot him an irritated look by his prying behavior.

It has indeed been a few days since the terrible night that consisted in you meeting your favorite artist, crying beside her, running awkwardly away right after, having a screaming match with your ex, and then passing out in the car.

So, you couldn't deny it wasn't a memorable night.

The past three days could've been better to say the least if your management team stopped spamming you with text messages concerning the fight, maybe even ignoring the loads of pictures of your crying face.

Oh, the pictures. Not a fun sight to see.

Luckily for you, the pictures were only ones inside the party near Andrew- not Pedro. Unfortunately, though, your picture was turned into a 'crying in the club' meme.

You couldn't exactly be mad over it, you loved memes.

Thank the Lords the paparazzi were clueless and never ended up catching your argument with Pedro or you wouldn't know how to cover it up.

You could never get away with the typical 'friends fighting' after he shouted how much he loved you.

And bless the celebrities near you for minding their business.

To clear up your meltdown, you took it upon yourself to send out a quick tweet the next morning with a "i'm sorry i'm an emotional drunk. one second we're talking about 500 days of summer and then...well you already know how THAT ends."

In that moment you couldn't care less if people believed you or not, this was going to pass fast anyway.

Now here you were, sitting in front of your kitchen bar as Andrew and Florence decided to pay you a visit because they missed you- or so they say.

Realistically, they wanted to see if you were still a hot mess.

Which you weren't, obviously.

Shailene would have tagged along, but she was busy doing grown up things, such as working on her latest project Andrew claimed which was a slight bummer. She was the mediator, now who else was going to stop the arguments calmly between your two friends.

Florence disagreed, shaking her head. "You can't just ask her that, it's impolite."

Sighing, Andrew sent you an apologetic glance. "Okay, I am sorry." Not taking his eyes off you, you could feel his curiosity and eagerness from the other side of the kitchen. "But we're all thinking it."

Judging by how unresponsive Florence became, you could tell she wasn't going to fight him on this. And well, she was secretly on his side because your fight with Pedro was seriously excessive.

She just wanted to know what he could've done to make you so angry, it didn't make sense to her if he did cheat. He didn't seem like the type, but some people do the most surprising things- so she couldn't really tell.

"Do you want the last reason or all of them?"

Widening his eyes, Andrew shares a glance with Florence for a swift second before finding your eyes. "Last reason?"

"The last fight we had that led us to finalize our breakup."

"Finalize," he giggled, leaning on the marble counter. "This isn't a divorce process."

"For a person who is so concerned about my relationship crisis, you seem to be catch on to the most irrelevant stuff."

"So you admit you still want to be with him," Andrew declared, giving a smug look as you tried to process his words. "If you're still stressing over him, it means you don't want to let him go."

"I never said I was stressing over hi-"

"Did she or did she not just claim she was undergoing a crisis-," Andrew interrupted, slightly raising his voice. "-a relationship crisis, to be exact."

Florence sheepishly looked your way, capturing your stern expression before slowly nodding.

Your male friend clapped his hands loudly before bursting out a wider grin, happy someone had his back. "There we have it, if he's on your mind that much to turn into a crisis- you still love him!"

Furrowing your brows, you didn't know how to respond. It was true, you had many moments where Pedro agitated you even when you haven't been near him for quite some time.

But isn't being wound up over an ex part of healing?

Truth be told, you knew your feelings for Pedro hadn't completely disappeared, but love? You weren't even sure love existed by your past experiences.

"I do not love him," you hiss, vigorously snatching the water bottle on the counter and aggressively opening it. "How can love be real? It's baffling."

"Questioning the real question with a question," he sneers, making Florence and you become confused as ever. "You're so in love him."

Florence cuts in, squinting her face in puzzlement. "Wait- what's the real question she's supposedly questioning with a question?"

"Love!" he cheers happily before placing his hand on his palm, dreamingly gazing at you. "You have your doubts on what love may be, but without knowing it you're having them because you're questioning your love to Pedro since you're too scared to admit you still love him."

"I don't get it."

Rolling your eyes, you swiftly turn away and head towards your living room to lay on your couch. You were not in the mood to have someone else tell you what your feelings were when they weren't you. "I'm done with this conversation."

Hearing a low slapping noise, following an irritated hiss, you could make out Florence's displeased voice. "See what you did! Now she's not going to tell us."

"So much for moral support, you really are nosy," Andrew fought back, whispering loudly.

A minute or two went by since you couldn't make out what they were saying before rushed footsteps soon made their way near you as your friends awkwardly smiled, hoping they didn't upset you too much.

Because they really wanted to know the drama.

Pushing him roughly from behind, Florence sent you an innocent smile as Andrew landed near your side of the couch, trying his best to hold his composure and not turn back around and start another fight.

Placing a light hand on your shoulder, you blankly glance at it before meeting his attention. "We just wanted you to know we totally understand if you aren't comfortable...expressing your past-"

"Get your hand off me and let's get this over with so you two can leave already."

Florence quickly sat right beside Andrew, both not offended with your statement because they were fully aware of how annoying the were becoming.

Before you could say anything, Florence quickly spoke aloud. "Start from the beginning!" Andrew slowly looking back to her, he sent her a confused look. "So we aren't lost, of course."

Laughing lightly, you nod before adjusting yourself on your seat. It was going to be hard to remember all the details clearly because there really wasn't an exact time issues occurred, it kind of just naturally appeared here and there.

Now that you think of it, majority of the tiny disputes during the earlier days of your relationship were probably on the same level as when you two were splitting, but maybe the dense ones created towards the end really made it hard to continue.

"If I'm being totally honest, we never really had problems when we first started dating. He was really great," you begin, clutching onto a pillow you found right beside you. "And he would always make sure to watch me make it inside my house before leaving, that was when I knew he wasn't some fling."

Andrew smirked, nodding proudly. "Classic move."

Smiling at the thought, you focused your mind to uncover the ugly truths that slowly tore you two apart.

"But then one day, I wanna say a few weeks after our second anniversary, we just started...fighting?"

Tilting your head, you look down as sad memories began pouring through your mind completely. "It wasn't our usual small fights over who left the bathroom floor wet or dropping his ipad in the pool-"

"-you dropped his ipad in the pool?" Florence coughed, bewildered by your scandalous actions.

"He wanted to know if it was waterproof," you defended.

"Was it?"

"No," you nervously reply, avoiding their eyes. "But he had it backed up and I bought him a new one!"

"That was kind of a bitchy move," Andrew muttered, catching your pissed gaze. "But at least you made up for it!"

Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea to just throw it in, but he did say he was really curious and wanted to dump it under the sink.

"Anyway," you start back up again, making Andrew lowly sigh in relief. "Our fights were never that serious, or at least not until he started filming for that new tv series he joined."

Florence spoke up, lightly questioning "The Last of Us?"

Nodding, you shrugged. "I guess it's normal to say the time apart did cause a rift in our relationship, but it wasn't too bad. He always made sure to call and facetime at least once every two days."

"But one day when he was visiting during his week break he just...snapped?" you frowned, not even wanting to visualize the tiny argument.

You had to for your own good.

"He had been home for maybe two days before he suddenly became moody. Like- his attitude was insane, I have never seen him like this ever," you sigh, closing your eyes for a second before continuing. "He didn't want to go out to eat, didn't want me to make him food, and when I offered to have it delivered he slammed the bedroom door on my face and claimed he was going to bed."

"Woah, why would he do that?" Andrew asked, seriousness splattered all over his face.

You wish you knew.

"Not sure, I just thought maybe work was stressing him out so I wanted him to have his alone time to clear his mind."

"Did that work?"

Sitting up straighter, you send a sorrowful smile. "For the rest of that week-yes. He ended up apologizing to me when I tried going to bed and said his manager was being tough on him for some scenes they had done."

You remember the moment you walked inside your bedroom, disappointed that he was awake. Not wanting to cause more tension, you planned to sneak under the covers and deal with the incident in the morning.

But his arms slowly wrapping over your waist as you had your back facing him said otherwise. Pulling you closer, you remember the soft "please don't be mad at me" he whispered near your ear, making sure you felt his tight embrace as if to prove you were his.

That night ended with you turning your body over to face him, accepting his open arms as a way to answer his pleading way of forgiveness.

Like always.

"Once he went back to work, we still talked- but I could tell he wasn't fully engaged like he always was," you sulk, remembering the first time you caught him not listening. "It got to the point where I purposely stopped answering his calls."

Your friends quickly send you a shocked look, you continue before they could intercept. "I couldn't handle his lack of attention, I would rather have him panic from the rejected calls than just tell him why I was upset."

It wasn't your best move, but you were frustrated. It wasn't fair that he was the one who got to treat you poorly and you had to accept it.

You admit, maybe if you communicated with him about these issues you could've prevented many future arguments and even saved your relationship.

But you were human and sometimes humans act human.

"Then what happened?" Andrew asked, a curious appearance plastering his face. "You continued ignoring him?"

Laughing lightly, you shake your head. It was the plan, but plans don't always work out. "Actually, he secretly took a flight back home one weekend and confronted me."

Gasping, Florence jumped up in her seat and moved her leg under her. "No way!"

"Yes, way," you sheepishly reply, embarrassed at the memory. You can still picture the way Pedro stood in your shared bedroom as you stepped out of your bathroom, jumping at the sight of him.

Standing with his arms crossed with his bags thrown by the door, he was determined to figure out what was going on with you.

"I wouldn't say we engaged in a heated argument, but it was surprisingly really emotional."

Andrew leaned his body closer, too interested not to let his questions slide. "Were you guys never emotional? I feel like every couple experiences those moments together- it's what makes them stronger."

It should've made you two stronger, but instead it made you weaker without you realizing it.

"Pedro and I had our minor instances, but it never involved problems we were facing," you began, sighing slightly. "All I remember was finding him standing near the bed with no emotion- none. I couldn't read what he may have been feeling, he just looked so....empty?"

"Empty? That's not good." Florence commented.

"That could mean a lot of things, not necessarily anger," Andrew added, trying to make you feel better.

"I knew deep down he was mad, as he should be- I was the one ignoring him," you defended him, taking full responsibility over your childish actions. "But I could tell he was more hurt that mad."

"What did he say?"

"What's going on?" Pedro questioned, his eyes not daring to leave yours as you freeze- stopping your attempts at brushing your wet hair, extremely confused as to why he was here.

He wasn't supposed to visit for another month, or so he said.

"Pedro?" you squint your eyes, still not sure if he was really in front of you or maybe you were daydreaming. You were high off many shots of espressos, it's finally hitting you. "Is that you?"

Still staring plainly at you, he stays right where he was. In any other circumstances he would have run up and wrapped his arms tightly around you, but this night was different.

He looked disorientated, out of place. His eyes lacked intensity as his body followed, looking as stiff as ever. Even his breathing matched his energy, calm yet unsettled.

You left him confused and he did not like that. "Answer my question."

Batting your eyes faster, you realize what was going on and where he was. Gasping, you do the exact opposite of what he wanted. "What the hell are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be home- you could get fired a-"

Taking a hold of your arms, he stills you and ignores your rambling. "What-" he begins, moving his right hand to the back of your neck and forcing you to focus on him only. "-is going on?"

Freezing, you try to back your head away from his grip but he tightens his grasp, making sure to not be too rough so he doesn't actually hurt you- he would never do such a thing. "I don't understand-"

"You haven't been answering my calls, what else is there to understand?" He sternly recalls, not wanting you to bullshit your way out of this. "So you either have been ignoring me on purpose to be petty or this is your way of hinting you don't want to be with me anymore."

Shaking your head frantically, you try to talk but he cuts you off again. "-And don't say you've been busy. You and I both know I would have figured out if you had added projects to your schedule- your mom tells me everything."

If this were a good time, you would have laughed at his side comment regarding your mother, but it wasn't.

"Not everything," you spit out, causing him to squint his face and release his hands from you.

"Are you trying to tell me something? Are you not happy? Is that why you've been avoiding my calls?" he questions, tilting his head in bewilderment, not liking your attitude at the moment. "Because if you really don't want to be with me you should've told me sooner than leaving me feeling fucking clueless while I'm out in another country working."

"I'm not saying I don't want to be with you-"

"But you aren't denying it," he intercepts, firmly nodding in realization. "I get it, I'm just glad I know now and won't have to wait another month to finally understand how you're feeling."

Walking away from you, Pedro walks towards his bags and reaches down for them. You scoff at his disturbed demeanor. There is no way you should be the only one at fault here- you both made mistakes.

Pushing his backpack off his hands, he watches at it lands on the floor before instantly finding your eyes. "Are you seri-"

"Just because I'm avoiding your calls doesn't mean I want to end our relationship" you shriek, glaring at him as his eyes soften at your hidden truth.

Your angered expression and stiff posture hits him like a brick, there was something really bothering you and he was too oblivious to acknowledged it until you began overlooking him.

Taking a deep breath, you watch as your boyfriend intently examines you as if he's trying to read your impractical mind. Sometimes, he wished you would speak up when something was bothering you, in fact- he has told you many times in the past to do so.

But the idea of patiently waiting until it erupts is what he's sure you've normalized in fear of desertion. Or maybe refusal of reality- the two of you weren't perfect.

"What's going on?" He calmly questions again, dropping any signs of fury and replaces it with worry and concern. Reaching out to you, he softly clasps your shoulder before moving in a few inches. "Am I making you upset?"

Slapping his hand away, you cross your arms over your chest in agitation. "I'm mad at you!"

Blinking a few times, he couldn't believe how fast you spilled and chaotic your energy was. He's never seen you act this hysterical and to be honest, he was really debating asking if you were on your period or not. "Why?"

Pursing your lips together, you release your arms and let them fall on your sides. "You know why!" With that, you turn your back to him and make your way back to your bathroom to hide.

At this point, you felt it was acceptable to act unbearable- he left you feeling insignificant and you weren't going to hold it in anymore.

If you stayed there any longer you knew you would break down into tears. Showing your vulnerable side this early into an argument was too easy, you have to show how bold you were in order to get your point across.

Or anger across.

But it was really hard to hold a grudge, he was just so- loving, despite your recent incidents. Deep down, he did care about you and wanted to validate your feelings- or as best he could.

Grabbing anything you could find near your sink, you begin opening some moisturizer and splatter it around your hands to keep you busy. You could feel Pedro come inside your shared bathroom but you don't dare to peep his way.

"Honey- please," you heard him release a soft sigh as he stood behind you, watching through your huge mirror in front of the two of you. He could make out your distressed appearance and you were absolutely not fine. "You can't just steer clear from this, we need to talk about it-"

Slamming the poor jar on the counter, you swiftly twist your body to his front and feel all the rage taking control. "But did you want to talk all those times I called you?! No, you didn't give one fuck about me or Leia!"

"You named your dog after Princess Leia? That's smart," Andrew butted in, grinning. "You know, since he's in the Mandalorian and Star W-"

"We get it."

Maybe it was wrong to bring your beloved corgi into such a serious topic, but she was abandoned by her father too.

"I did talk to you! I made sure to call you whenever I had time an-"

"I'm glad I made it into your schedule- but maybe if you considered adding some compassion and empathy it wouldn't feel like I'm just another business call you hate!"

Panting, you send daggers his way as his eyes widen. Did you just say he doesn't care about your calls? Impossible- he loves your calls, it makes his days better.

"You aren't a business call and you know that. Honey, please understand- hey!" He cuts himself off once you finally had enough of his poor attempts to defend himself, trying to flee but he ends up being quicker on his feet and yanking you back to his arms.

But once you were wrapped around him, even though it was for pure captivity and not warmth, you instantly broke down. He didn't know you were in tears until he felt his shirt become damp and still then he just thought you were trying to spit on him out of anger.

Hearing your tiny whimpers, he immediately glanced down and lifted you up to catch a clear view of your face, despite your protests and blockings. "Baby, I-I didn't mean to make you cry-"

"You don't mean a lot of things," you spit out, swatting his hands that dared to reach your face. You weren't in the mood to make up, all you wanted to do was sleep your troubles away, especially with the draining work day you had.

Continuing your pulling, Pedro began becoming annoyed with your strong protests against his affection. Isn't this what you wanted? "Why won't you let me hold you? I want to console you, can't I be your boyfriend for the night and tomorrow you can continue hating me?"

"You see my tears and now you want to hold me but admit we'll still be out of place tomorrow? That's acceptable for you?" you laugh ruthlessly, allowing space to be brought in front of you. "Do you hear yourself?"

Groaning, he rubs his face hard before speaking his mind, trying not to sound too furious and scare you. "What do you want me to do? I admit, I did lack some energy-"

"Some?" you snort to yourself, your face still wet.

"Don't interrupt me," he declared, shaking his head at how rude you were becoming. "I wasn't the best partner, okay?! There, I admit it, but you don't understand how it is working constantly and not being able to see family and friends and-"

"It's like you don't even know me at all," you ignorantly chuckle over his nonsense and walk towards your bed.

What a way to dismiss your feelings.

"That's not what I meant," he sighs, following after and stopping you from opening your covers and hiding underneath them. "It's just hard being away from everyone I love, I'm in a different country. It's not like I can drive an hour away and suddenly see them!"

"I can't do that either!"

"Can't you just please, please, please- consider that my mindset is not good right now," he declares, his eyes filling with sadness as his arms slowly find your waist. Taking a deep breath, you watch as he looked up at the ceiling before biting his lip. "I know I am not being the best partner right now- or for the past few months, but I am trying."

As soon as uncertainty flushed your face, his hands tightened as his expression deepened into an emotion you never seen him explore before- dejection.

"I can't promise you I'm suddenly going to wake up and give you 110% every interaction we have," he began, his voice lowering as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "But I confess- I am being a little shit and I am willing to work on that. Just please- please don't push me away. Try to understand my situation."

He wasn't wrong, his life switched around once he accepted the role of Joel Miller and you should've known from the start he would face some difficulties. Maybe you were being too self-centered and invalidated his feeling too, not just him.

Sometimes he wasn't good with words when expressing himself and made you feel as if you weren't as popular as him, but you knew it was never his intention to hurt you like that. He had a heart and loved to use it.

Fighting over work should never be a reason to be miserable especially when it's how you both get your income.

"I-I understand," you lightly speak up, watching as his eyes light up by the sound of your now calm voice filling his ears. "I just want you to know that it didn't make me feel good-"

"Of course it wouldn't make you feel good, I was being horrible," Pedro intercepted, pulling you into a tight hug and landing his face in your neck. "And if I wasn't thousands of miles away I would totally spoil you with kisses and chocolates as my sorry."

"Chocolates are still in favor," you joke and feel him softly swat your bottom in disapproval.

Pulling away, he leans his face closer to yours and plants a sweet kiss upon your lips before backing up an inch and whispering softly, "I love you, you know that right?"

Smiling, you slowly nod and surprise him with a deeper kiss before answering him back with a familiar, "I love you, too."

"You better," he smirks, pulling his body on top of yours, hearing your light squeaks once your back hit the mattress and his lips snuck their way into the crook of your neck.

"Did you end up getting chocolates?" Andrew immediately questioned once you finished your long recollection of memories.

"That's not important," Florence rolled her eyes.

"I mean he did promise her it."

Chuckling at his curiosity, it amused you how focused he was about some candy. "Yes, he did- for like a month and then I got over them."

"Understandable," Andrew replied, looking down at his lap.

Florence jumped over him, making herself sit closer to you as he winced at her sudden movements. "Then what happened?! I mean, there had to be more right?"

"My god woman, I hope you're not working for TMZ," Andrew joked.

She shushed him before leaning closer to you, signaling you to continue on with your memories. "After that fight, things became pretty normal again. We would call each other with far more energy than before and he would even fly back home often to keep our communication strong."

"And how long did that last?"

Frowning, you took a small breath. "Like three months- then we started fighting more."

"Over?"

Rubbing your face, you groaned. "He went back to lacking energy! But that's not even the worst part."

"Please don't tell me he cheated," Andrew begged, covering his eyes with his hands while pulling a sorrow look. "I would never be able to look at him the same."

"I don't know if he did cheat- but I did find out two months before we ended things that he stayed the night at his exes."

Loudly gasping, the company you had began freaking out with their jaws dropping- literally. Florence angrily furrowed her brows, "you've got to be kidding? How is that allowed in a relationship?- It's not!"

Crossing your legs, you shrug as a way to answer her. You really did wonder what was going through his head when he did that. Sadly, you couldn't believe a word he said after you found out what he did.

Maybe that's why you were fine with ending things- because the trust was slowly disappearing.

"Not to mention he would always be with her and ditch plans with me," you form a tight smile, trying not to make things awkward but it was too late.

Who could possible hear this and not feel embarrassed for you? Classic move on his part to follow the 'being friends with my ex is okay' stereotype, but it only left you feeling unwanted and flawed.

Were you not good enough to be in his arms all those times he ditched you for her? And why couldn't he tell you what was really going on- unless he was truly hiding something unspeakable.

"Spill the beans."

Hearing a door slam, you jump up in a daze. You could feel sleep still linger on your body as you crank your neck to the side, capturing the bright '12:47 pm' located on top of your nightstand.

Slowly yanking your body up, you don't stretch as you hurry out of your room to the living room in search of the mysterious person who was either your missing boyfriend or an intruder.

Catching sight of his bright yellow t-shirt as he opens the refrigerator, you could feel your body boil up. "Where have you been? You snuck out last night without even telling me- do you even understand how worried I was?!"

Watching as he gradually turns his head to face yours, Pedro closes the fridge before leaning against the kitchen counter- completely relaxed despite your current state.

"I was out with friends," he declared, grinning to try and take pressure off from you- it didn't work. "I'm sorry, I will tell you next time. I didn't mean to worry you, my love."

Placing your hands on your hips, it pains you that you secretly don't believe a word he's saying. Normally, if this were the case, he would text you if you were sleeping or call you in the morning to inform you with what he'd done.

He did neither one.

Maybe you should test him? Ask him questions and see if he'll freeze up?

"And who were you with?"

He smiled, grabbing a cup from the pantry while easily answering, "Diego and Oscar- we had a couple of drinks and Oscar thought it would be best I stay the night."

Nodding swiftly, you examine him to see if there were any signs of him lying- there weren't. Fuck, you forgot he was an actor. It's literally his job to control his emotions! "And why didn't you call or at least send a simple text?"

After hearing your words, Pedro sends you a small smile before gently placing his cup down. Walking up to you, he opens his arms. "Baby, is that why you're so upset? Because I didn't call?"

Before you could answer, he engulfs you in his arms before swaying you both around. Feeling vibrations as he let out light giggles, you instantly dropped any suspicions you may have had because he had to tell the truth- he would never lie to you.

It's surreal how easily you could throw any convictions out the window when he touched you. It's like he jogged your memory.

"Well, why didn't you at least text?"

Removing his head from your neck, he squeezes you waist and sends you an amused smirk . "Because I was insanely drunk and if I would've used my phone it probably would have resulted in me leaving you hundreds of drunk voicemails confessing my love for you."

"And that's bad?"

He chuckled, shaking his head before pinching your side. "No, but it sure as hell is annoying."

Standing up straighter, you cautiously nod at his answer and watch as he lovingly smiled down at you. "Okay, I believe you."

"Did you really believe him?" Andrew asked.

"I call bullshit," Florence confidently declares, strong on her view that Pedro was not an honest person.

"Let me finish the story!"

Loud footsteps could be heard near your hallway as you stood behind the oven, trying your best to not burn these damn chocolate chip cookies.

Such a basic recipe yet so complex- it was truly aggravating.

"Y/n? Where are you?!" you heard you assistant squeal from a distance.

Trying to properly put your mitten on, you murmur a small "kitchen" before preparing yourself to open the oven. The amount of times you burned yourself thinking it was cool enough not to wear protection-

Point is- always wear protection.

Opening the oven door, you pull the tray of freshly baked cookies towards you as the footsteps became clearly audible. Right when the cookies were in your grip and being lifted, you heard your assistant yelp-

"Pedro was caught leaving his ex's house two days ago."

Throwing yourself up into a standing position, you forget about the tray of cookies until you feel the burning sensation upon your left arm. You accidentally pulled the tray too close to you. "Ow!"

Instantly panicking, your assistant rushes to your side in support and grabs a towel to fill with ice. Pressing downwards on the wound, you wince at the pressure that was building.

"What the hell are you talking about?" you still question, extremely curious to uncover what this situation was.

His ex? That's absurd, he hasn't dated anyone in years when you first met. It's definitely not like he was in contact with them when you made it official, he was always firm when it came with communicating with past relationships.

That was a big no-no, especially when one of your ex's tried reaching out after your last movie dropped. Pedro made it very clear how unhappy he was when he made an appearance at your premiere- your boyfriend not daring to leave your side and even blocking your view whenever your ex had the chance to gawk you up close.

At the time, people thought Pedro only attended because he was close with the director and has always been friendly with other actors. Little did they know he was being extra friendly with you behind the curtains.

"Someone snapped photos of him outside of her door! It looks like he just woke up, too." Grabbing the phone from her hands, you pull it closer to your face and watch what the screen uncovered.

There he was, your boyfriend of two-years smiling brightly as he steps outside her door in the clothes he wore the night before. The same ones he manipulated you with about being with Diego and Oscar that night.

Not just that, but peering on the side of the door was indeed his tall, beautiful ex who definitely aged like fine wine. Hell, she was gorgeous and everybody knew that.

And the fact that they broke up due to their long distance, at the time, did not help this situation. Now that they lived a few cities away, what now? Were you just a doormat he could walk all over and eventually throw away whenever he wanted something new?

Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, you refuse to take your eyes off the screen as your assistant begins speaking. "Did you know he slept over?" Glancing up, she takes your downcast face as an answer and swiftly pulls you in a tight hug. "Oh no, I'm so sorry."

You were sorry for yourself, too. How could he lie right to your face so easily knowing he was doing it- intentionally. And the most fucked up part was he probably knew you would believe him- just like all the other times you did.

"I saw that picture!" Andrew exclaimed, bewildered at his recollection. "I thought the paparazzi caught him lacking after a hook-up- damn, I wish I would've known you were together sooner."

"Same, I would have unfollowed him," Florence added. "And nobody would've known it was because of you- since you two never been public."

Forcing a smile, you give her a tiny nudge on the arm. "Gee, thanks for being so considerate."

"Continue!"

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before your flee.

Let's just say, things were pretty...eventful once you discovered his scheme.

For starters, after bawling your eyes out on your poor assistant's shoulder, she made her departure in order to clean up the spare bedroom she offered you to take if you weren't comfortable staying at your own place.

You accepted.

Once she was out the door, you fled to your bedroom and grabbed any suitcase close by and began stuffing it to the brim, not caring how disorganized it was professing as you reached for more clothes.

You were almost done packing your second bag full of makeup and bathroom necessities when you heard your front door open. Jumping up, you felt your eyes widen once you heard your name being chanted on by your boyfriend. "Y/n?!"

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself, drastically glancing around your now messy bathroom to make changes to your plan- only take things you really need.

Seconds pass and you find yourself zipping your bag and rushing out the door, that was until your body roughly collided with another- causing you to drop your belongings and land on the floor. Groaning, you hesitantly rise, immediately finding your boyfriend's body nearing yours as he pleads to help you off the ground.

"Baby, I'm sorry! I didn't see you coming out," he apologizes, using his fingertips to clasp your forearms to level you. "Look, I need to tell y-"

"Get off of me," you grit, forcibly slapping his palms off you, causing him to cease and stare stunned. He has never seen you once be this aggressive. Sure, you would reject his embrace whenever you two fought here and there, but slap? Not ever.

Brushing roughly past him, you gripped your larger suitcase by its handles and made a beam to the closest exit. You couldn't be around him, not when thoughts of him being unfaithful constantly drowned your head.

A strong tug of your makeup bag made you halt your movements, not by choice, as Pedro made sure to tighten his grip to prevent you from leaving. Glancing down at his now white, clenched hands, you glare. "Let go."

Shaking his head, he stared you down- irritated that you would just pack up and leave so quickly without even hearing his side of the story. Yes, he should have told you what really happened that night- but he knew how you'd react.

It was better to keep it sealed until he was ready to unveil- or so he thought.

"You let go," he hissed, raising one of his hands and smacking yours with it. You hate how much stronger he still was while only using one hand while you had two- fuck his strength and your poor muscles.

Groaning, you dig your feet onto the ground harder as you continue your tug-a-war charade with your selfish boyfriend who didn't seem to believe space was an understandable coping mechanism after he shattered your small heart.

"Fine," you yelp, shoulders falling slightly as he eases his grip- still holding on though. "We both let go on 3."

Tilting his head, he suddenly grew suspicious by your random middle ground. He knew you well enough to know you don't give up that easily, especially when he's fully sure, by your bolting efforts, you saw the picture. "How do I know you won't just run off after?"

"You're faster and stronger than me, you'll catch me eventually."

Internally agreeing, he knew you had a point. Even if you did escape, your little legs weren't going to get you far- he knows from all the times he tackled you down after you countlessly would steal his food.

"1," you begin, eyeing him to see if he would follow.

"2," he stared at you back, cautiously watching your every step.

Taking a deep breath, you count again. "3!" With that, you release your grip from your bag and watch as he still clutches on to the strap. "What the hell- we agreed on 3 we'd both let go!"

Nervously chuckling, he placed the bag on the ground and sheepishly smiled at you. He was glad to see you finally calming down. "Sorry, I didn't think you would actually do it."

Sending him an annoyed glance, he scratches the back of his neck for assuming you wouldn't follow your word. "Trust me, I always tell the truth."

Wincing at your cold tone, he frowns by your hard demeanor. "About that- I was going to tell you-"

Softly placing a hand over your head, you release a sound of discomfort and miss the way his eyes wander in curiosity.

"Can we talk about this after I take my supplements? I am not feeling too good," you cut him off, slowly touching your forehead as you watch his concern grow. "I forgot to take them this morning."

"You know you get bad migraines when you don't take them," he declared, sighing as he raised his hand and began softly rubbing your temple in ease.

He believed you were being serene because you weren't livid and allowed him to stop you from leaving- how wrong he was.

"I know but I had a crammed morning-"

"This is why we need to hire someone to walk Leia, we don't have enough time majority of the week!" he exhales, making you stare at the floor for the point taken. But there was no way you'd hire someone to walk your dog, that's ridiculous and a waste of money. "We'll talk after, let me grab them- stay here."

Sadly nodding, you allow him to flee towards your bathroom in search for your medicine. Peering you head a few inches to the side, you wait till the coast is clear before slowly, but firmly, grabbing your once lost bag and dashing out of your bedroom.

"I almost forgot about Leia," you muttered to yourself, instantly feeling bad at the thought of how quick you were to forget your baby. How terrible of a mother were you.

And what even was more mind blowing was how Pedro didn't catch your innocent acting. Truthfully, he must be trying to be extra helpful so you would believe him. Too late.

Finding your white corgi near the kitchen, you whistle lowly for her to follow as you peddled your way to your garage. "C'mon doggie, if daddy notices our escape plan he won't let us leave that easil-"

"Y/n?!"

Jaw dropping, you shoot a glance of panic to your dog, who only blankly stares back, before rushing to your parked car. "Just like Batman and Robin- now jump in," you hushed, opening the back seat so you could not only throw your bags back there- but also your tiny-legged corgi who struggles at first, but eventually makes it in.

Once you jumped into your seat and turned on the car, you catch a breathless Pedro rushing out through the door to your side. "Fuck."

"You tricked me!"

"You slept with another woman, asshole!" you yell back, glaring as he rolled his eyes- outraged by how unreasonable you were becoming. All he wanted to do was sit you down and have a normal conversation about this, but instead you kept running away.

Once again, he thinks you need to work on your communication skills.

"You used your failing health to your advantage- how sick are you?" he yelped, offended.

"They were gummy supplements!"

Touching your car door, he sternly peers at you as you quickly lock your doors in case he tried opening it. "I did not sleep with another woman," he started, inhaling strongly before releasing it. "Why would I do that when I am in a committed relationship? Huh? Do you think I am capable of cheating?"

Shrugging innocently, you pull a sarcastic face. "Not sure, I do know you're capable of lying- maybe infidelity is the cherry on top?"

Mouth gapping, he sends you a look of hurt and for a second you feel terrible by your choice of words. In your heart, you wanted to take it back- but your head thought otherwise.

"I would never be unfaithful to you- that's not who I am," he firmly states, feeling like absolute shit that you would even accuse him of being with another woman when you were all he thought about every single second of the day.

Dryly chuckling, you nod along to his words. He feels his heart ache, as if hundreds of knives jabbed through the delicate muscle by your painful mien. Did you really think that lowly of him?

"That's who you are to me now."

Once those words flew out of your mouth and he was able to process it clearly, he paused. Whole body turning stiff and cold, he scolded you profoundly before fiercefully charging towards your car door and pounding for entrance.

It was like a nerve was touched and he was not willing to be forgiving anymore. You struck him hard and he knew you meant it out of pure anger- not genuinely, but his awareness soon became replaced with treachery and he so badly wanted you to pay for your foul words.

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before fleeing.

Mentally checking off your items before departure, you inhale sharply before lowering down your car's mirror and pressing your garage remote- allowing the door to gradually rise and Pedro to panic.

Cursing in his head, he couldn't let you drive away or else he might never see you for days and he couldn't bear the thought of you moping around in agony without at least hearing from him- the man in the picture- what actually happened that night.

Pressing on the lever and angling down to reverse, you nervously press on the gas and allow your car to drift back as your poor dog watched through the backseat his dad embarrassingly urging you to not go.

You prayed the neighbors couldn't hear a thing, if the cops came you're sure you would never go out in public for at least six months.

Realizing that it was now or never, you see from the corner of your eye a figure running towards the back of your car before a loud thump was heard.

Shakily, pressing on the brakes and putting your car on park, you jump out in horror by the sight of legs near your back tires.

You hit him.

"Shit!" you gasped, involuntarily sprinting- as if your body just knew how to react- and dropping down to your boyfriend's lifeless body-

"You ran him over?!" Andrew and Florence shrieked, interrupting your storytelling, causing you to glare and shush them.

"Shut the fuck up- it's getting to the interesting part!"

Hugging his body tightly, you could feel your face began to fall down and your body slowly begin to tremble. In a matter of seconds, you just knew your garage wasn't going to be a pretty sight to see.

Hitching your breath, you run your hands to your boyfriend's chest and shake him softly in hopes he would open his eyes- he didn't. With tears flushing down your face, you sniff as you grip onto him harder. "Please w-wake up," you begin, trying your best to keep your touch on him but you were a jittering mess. Not being able to stay still, you press your ear over his chest to see his he still had a pulse.

Sighing in relief, he did.

Squeezing his face, you frown as his expressionless face stills. Realizing he might have passed out over a concussion, your lips begin to tremble as you finally breakdown in tears and cradle him.

Leaning over from his side, you bend your body and embrace his head into your neck. "I am such a-a fucking idiot," you squeak, your eyes shutting as you don't have the power to keep them open. "I-I love you- I should've just stayed and t-talked-!"

Cutting yourself off, you ironically feel like the lifeless one despite your literal unconscious boyfriend being in your arms at the moment. Bitch, you really had the nerve. Swiftly kissing his cheek, you plunge yourself into his neck and cushion him with your body- being as fragile as ever when handling him.

Quivering in misery, you keep a strong grip onto him before you felt pressure along your side. "It's been minutes and you still haven't called 911? I could've been dead by now."

Screaming, you instantly drop the figure once on top of you and force your thighs to back up, causing you to sit perplexed on the concrete floor.

Glancing back up, you find your boyfriend brightly grinning your way, using his arms to hold his upper portion up as you looked back in confusion. Didn't you hit him?

"I was my own stunt double for some scenes," he speaks up, smiling to himself proud as you continued staying still, confused as to what had just happened. "As long as you have the right mentality- you can take a pounding."

Registering where he was going with this, you scoff and quickly allow your feet to hit the ground. Following after you, Pedro jumps at your unpleased sight and watches as you cooly open your back door to let your dog jump out before marching towards the door to your house.

"Wait? Are you mad at me for that, too?" He calls out, tilting his head in question and proceeds to get his answer by the slamming of the door behind you. "Never mind."

Angrily storming through your hallway, you accidentally run into the wooden desk placed against the wall. "Ugh!" you scream, turning around and giving it one hard kick before making your way towards your destination- the kitchen.

"What did the desk ever do to you?" Pedro mumbled to himself, stopping right by it once you were out of sight and fixing it back up against the wall, making sure the books settled on top were nested properly before going after you.

"So that's why one of the legs is chipped? I noticed that-"

"Shut up, Andrew."

"Sorry, go on."

Finding you near the blacked marbled kitchen bar, Pedro ceased his movements. To be honest, he was nervous to confront you. Not only did you find out he slept at his ex girlfriend's house, but he made you believe he was dead.

This was not going to end well.

"How could you do this to me?" He hears you ask, you back being in his peripheral view as you leaned your body over the counter, hands gripping the ends roughly.

"Do what?" he idiotically responds back, mentally slapping himself for having the audacity to question something he surely knows.

Slowly turning around, capturing his soft yet worried eyes, he catches onto your tear ones and breaks down on the inside. "Tell me the truth." you gulp, averting your eyes to your feet as you sense him bobble his head. "Did you sleep with her?"

Choking on air, he frantically shakes his head in dismay, not believing you would actually think that despite the past half an hour of him comprehending that you might so. Maybe he just couldn't believe it would ever come out of your mouth- but this whole situation made him nauseous.

Steadily finding his balance, he inched towards your frail body as you kept your contact with the floor strong, not daring to move it even when the sight of his shoes play in your mind. "Honey," he lowly calls out, lifting his fingers to your chin and hastily bringing your vision to his own. "No- I did not sleep or engage in any sexual nor romantic activity with her."

"Then why did you go to her house and not tell me?!" you cried, nudging his hand off your face, him immediately aiming towards your waist to still have you near. "Why would you do this to me? Why would you sleep over when you know how I would feel?"

"I can't tell you," he confesses, whispering softly. Feeling your face fall, you erupt into tears again as you lift up your palms to hide behind them.

Hiccuping, your hands twitch as they support your weight and force you to fall on top of the counter and continue watering your tears there. Everything was unfair and he couldn't seem to realize how bad your fights have progressed throughout the months.

"If you really care about me," you whimper, still behind your hands as he rubs circles on your waist. "You would consider my feelings and understand why I should know what you did with her."

Sighing, he releases you waist and rubs his forehead in frustration. Pedro wasn't the type to hide things in relationships. In fact, he was amazing when it came to expressing feelings and being honest while you were the same- but you typically took longer to reveal your troubles than he did.

But no matter how loyal he was to you, it wasn't his place to share someone else's business no matter who the association may be.

"I know, baby. I know- believe me," he whispers, pulling you in for a hug and lifting you off the counter as your sobs were felt among his chest. It broke his heart. "But I can't betray her, she needed me and trusted me to see her. I can't just deceive her."

"But you can do that to me?" you reply, catching him off guard as he shuts his eyes tightly by how accurate you were being. "It's okay, I understand."

"No," he shakes his head, groaning before staring you down. "You don't understand, hell- I don't understand this either. But what I need you to know is I did not kiss, flirt, wink, tease, or touch her in any sexual way. We did not have sex - there was no removing of any clothing-"

"Then why did you sleepover?!"

"She needed me," he simply replies, causing you to laugh ridiculy.

"I needed you and you left me," you spit out harshly, not believing how he could defend himself and think you would ever fine with it.

Grunting, he runs his hand over his hair before pouring all of his stress onto you. "What do you want me to do? I told you what happened- she needed me, I helped her, it took longer than expected so I fell asleep on the couch- do you want to touch my knotted back for proof? Because you can!"

"Why am I the one being yelled at?" you respond, watching his face fall in disappointment.

Staying in your position for a minute or two, you continued examining him as he did the same, not knowing where this was headed. That was until he motioned with his hand for you to move closer.

"Come here."

Furrowing your brows, you pause at his words. Did he think hugging was going to solve all of your problems- because it wasn't. "No-"

Feeling his arms glide up along your upper body and finally wrapping around your shoulders, he pressed you up against his chest into the warmest bear hug you might have engaged in.

It was...peaceful.

Sighing, he felt your body soften by the touch. Relaxing, you closed your eyes as he made it his mission to not ease up on his grip. "I didn't do anything with her," he whispers, laying his face comfortably on your shoulder. "I promise, I love you."

Sadly, his confession made you break down more as tears flooded your face and your body fell upon his grip. Easily wrapping his palms on the back of your head, he cradled you tightly and never left your sight once the rest of that day and week.

And that's how that fight ended- with you trusting his sweet nothings and letting him take over your body with his hugs and kisses because he somehow made you believe him.

Every single time.

You wish you could have moved on from that topic that night as you allowed him to show you how much he loved you, but unfortunately that wasn't an option.

Especially when paparazzi exploited more pictures with him and his ex the following weeks later.

"And what about your last fight? You know- the one that ended things," Andrew started, making you halt. "What happened then?"

Quickly standing up, you brushed your sweatpants down before sending him a tight smile. Now that you talked about sad memories you hadn't really thought of in months, you knew the mention of your last fight would only break you.

You weren't ready to undergoing the same pain you felt that night.

"I didn't know these talks about my past would take a toll on me, but they have. I don't want to talk about it, but I appreciate the two of you checking up on me- I really do, but I think its time for me to take a shower and maybe nap- it's been a tiring day."

Feeling your discomfort, Florence and Andrew exchanged a weary glance before looking back up to you, hesitantly nodding. Probably an intense memory, they were determined not to mention it again unless you came forward.

"Alright- but give us a call if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or just plain old company!" Florence smiled, wrapping her arms around you for a quick hug before pulling back. "We can even have a sleepover."

"Count me out on that one," Andrew joked, bending down to give you the same hug. "But for real, you can cry on my shoulder any time."

"Thanks," you giggle, soon following them towards your front door as they say goodbye to your dog before departing in their own cars.

What an emotional day it has been.

-

"Do I really have to go? It's no use- I already seen the film. I don't want to rewatch it," you whine as your manager hushes you.

Walking down the side of the theatre, you clutch onto the oversized, black leather jacket you were wearing as your manager and assistant walked on either side of you, directing to to the entrance of a random theatre in the city.

Since the Oscars, nothing has really changed. It's been about three weeks now and there wasn't chaos anymore- it seemed like news about that night had already faded.

Regularly, you did chat with Florence, Shailene, and Andrew on the phone- individually at times throughout your past weeks- but nothing too crazy.

You all had your busy schedules and your manager was still being as hardworking as ever trying to exploit more of you to the press and on the screen. Safe to say, every time she had news it would always be something impressive.

Except for today, when she proudly announced after barging into your house during breakfast that there was a new film premiere you had to attend.

It's not like you opposed the idea- but you watched the film when the production team invited you to their private screening. It would be useless watching it again.

But as persistent as ever, your manager claimed there would be great press and directors attending the public's premiere, following with "an Oscar-nominated actress like you must make themself remembered."

As dramatic as always- but at least she was highly active in your career.

She did everything to make you get noticed, especially when you were at your lowest point mentally after your breakup.

Now onto past relationships, you hadn't heard any news regarding Pedro since you last saw him. Not that you wanted to, but for some reason he was still on your mind. Due to the fact you did sit with your friends ranting about your shared troubles, that's likely the reason.

But all jokes aside, you seriously can't stop thinking about him.

However, you were too scared to admit this to anyone. You tried telling Florence, but every time you mentioned his name she would immediately disregard him, pissed by how he treated you.

Which you loved that she had your back, but you needed someone else to have his own- oddly.

Maybe it was your head deep in thoughts that revealed how you were feeling, but your assistant seemed to notice that you weren't okay- mentally.

After checking in and finding a small crowd, you accepted that maybe most of the audience were in their seats already despite the film starting in almost an hour. Nudging you once your manager left to find one of the producers, you glanced at her as she motioned you to move towards the wall.

"What's up?"

She made a face, practically laughing at your question before continuing on. "Why don't you tell me 'what's up?' The whole ride here you've been silent and I know it's not because you were tired- you slept all afternoon, what's really up?"

Chuckling, you roll her eyes at how nosy she was being- but you knew she only wanted to help you. After working together for years, it was a ritual both of you performed: don't let the other be sad.

Surprisingly, it worked every time. She would hide you from people who upset you while you let her have more vacation days whenever she felt the same.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're thinking about him, huh."

Eyes widening, you shake your head quickly as she laughs at your poor attempt of denying her idea. But she knew right from the moment you got lost in your head that he was the one to blame.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," she whispered loudly, causing you to shove her as she laughed louder.

"Shut up, someone might hear you," you hiss, watching as she tried holding her breath to stop herself from cackling again. She just looked like a fish in need of water.

"Don't think about him then," she teased. "If it's making you lost in your thoughts! Wait- why is he in your head? I thought you hated him?"

Coughing, you shake your head. "I don't hate him- I could never."

"Never?" she raises a brow in shock. "I think we're seeing some progress here. You're falling back in loveeeee with him."

"No way," you scoffed as she grinned heavily. "I'm just thinking about the Oscars since that was the last work-related event I've been to since today and you know- he was there so he ended up in my mind...for a little."

She slowly nods, teasing a smug as makes it pretty clear she did not believe one word you said. Your assistant has seen everything, so she is quite familiar with your thoughts regarding Pedro.

She knows when your happily, sadly, angrily, and crazily daydreaming about him. In this case, she's stuck between happily and crazily- not seeming to find any hints of fury and sorrow through your expressions.

But definitely warmth and frustration- all due to him not being able to leave your head.

"When are you just going to admit you still love him?" She blurts out, causing you to snap your heard towards her. "Everybody sees it, you obviously have a soft spot for him if you let him be near you."

"Near me? He's never near me," you laugh. "And I never show signs I want him back, I don't. I made it clear for months now after perfectly avoiding him at all costs."

"Yeah, but he's still on your mind- that must mean something," she declares, causing your small grin to fall into a tight line.

That must mean something.

Did it?

Shaking that thought away, you reject her idea. "It means he traumatized me."

"It means you're in denial and scared to be with him again," she replied, placing her hands on her hips. "Look, I just know you two are meant to be. Next time you see him, talk to him. Tell him how much you care for him- even if you don't want to admit it in a lovey-dovey way. It can be friendly!"

Giving her a strange look, she lowers her energy quickly before looking around the room, making sure no one saw how enthuastic she became.

"You get the point!" she rolls her eyes. "Just be nice, maybe the both of you can form a friendship or just drift apart knowing there's no hard feelings."

"But there is hard feelings," you declared, pointing out the obvious.

There is a reason why you two broke up, like there is also a reason why you despise him. It all comes down to history and actions, which you've both experienced- which is why, again, you broke up.

"Just..." she started, thinking about it for a second before sending you a sincere glance. "-give it a shot. If you don't hate him, like you said, it wouldn't be terrible to be civil."

Slowly nodding, you understand where she's coming from. This tension between Pedro and you was getting old, and the fact it was only you adding fuel to the non-existent fire since you've broken up is sad.

Especially when all he's been around you was sweet and considerate of your feelings, leaving you alone when he felt your energy- except for that one night, but you have to admit that was your fault for riling him up.

The roughness of heels came marching your way, forcing the both of you to instantly lift your head- finding your manager striking a fake breaming grin with two men beside her. She was trying too hard.

"Girls! This is Greg and Shawn- the writers of the film!" she exclaimed, fluttering her lashes rapidly as both men awkwardly raised a hand, waving it.

Releasing a tiny chuckle, you do the same as your assistant walks closer, sticking out her hand to fully gain their attention and introduce herself.

What can you say- she was a charmer.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulder, your manager slightly pulls you closer to the strangers and strangely bobbles her head- preparing whatever gibberish was about to spit out of her talkative mouth.

"Y/n- the boys thought it would be a great idea to sit in the vip selection among other A-listers- isn't that just lovely? We are very grateful for your offer-"

Boys? Oh god- now she was bonding for her hopeful chances of getting a call for an audition.

Compelling a sweet smile, you feel the only possible response you could give them was a meaningless 'thank you so much' after she literally put you on blast to communicate more. The funniest part about this situation was- you already watched the film!

Clearly you never met these writers- but instead the director himself! Your manager should be satisfied enough with that.

"Would you look at the time,-" Greg- you believe, softly gasps while raising his arm to examine the tiny apple watch planted. "Guests are probably filling up in their seats by now, terribly sorry- but we should probably go."

"I hadn't realized how close we were to showtime- we certainly must continue off our conversation after the film is over!" Shawn proclaims, making your manager nod far too quickly. "I look forward to meeting again."

With that, the two men inclined their motions of farewells before taking off down a dimmed hall, likely finding the exact destination set to premiere their comedic film.

Sighing, you send daggers to your managers who barely blinks before coughing out a swift, "What?"

"You really couldn't wait till after the film was over to sweet talk them?"

Dramatically rolling her eyes at your annoyance, she waves you off by your sudden introversion. It was her job to throw her best compliments about you too them, and she knew you were still too young to understand that everything she did was for a cost.

You.

"C'mon grumpy, let's locate the theatre before you start whining that your feet hurt, too."

Feeling your mouth slightly drop from her remark, you hear your assistant cackle right beside you, using her right palm to hold in her giggles while you mentally prepared for what comeback to throw her way.

You got nothing.

Huffing, your legs followed hers as she guided the two of you towards the same hall the men approached minutes before. The closer you've walked, the larger the capacity gathered around.

For such a low-budget film, it sure did gain quite the crowd.

As the rolling of the ending credits flooded the screen once you sat the last two and a half hours trying to act as if you didn't know what was coming next, you wish you had it in you to say the second time made up for the first- but it didn't.

There we have it, tonight was just not your night and endlessly enough- you couldn't blame it on some silly excuse of watching the same film over again.

Not even your assistant's sneaky offerings of her red licorice lifted your blues- and that speaks enough volume to say the least.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" the whole-heartedly voice of your manager's voice filled your ears as the three of you sat in the same lobby as before, still not finding a way to escape a cold room.

Oh how you abominated the sharp hits of the air conditioning- it frankly made coming to the theaters a horror unless layers of clothing and a blanket was tagged along.

"Why can't we leave? The film is done and people are walking out."

"We still have to talk to Shawn and Greg!" your manager declared, presenting a look of pure determination to get her way with their levels of skill.

Groaning, you throw your head in absolute exhaustion. Fairly, if your manager hadn't had made such an early visit during the morning hours you're sure you would've been in a better mood.

It was like the more you interacted, the less energy you had to give.

In order to survive the next few hours, you needed your phone or who knows how your fake laughters will sound.

And you call yourself an actress.

Sliding your hand to the back of your pockets, you wait for the feel of your large iphone to surface- but that moment never comes. Swiftly, you check your leather jacket ones just in case you slipped it there without realizing.

You didn't.

Anxiously glancing towards your assistant, your trembling hands find her arm. "Have you seen my phone? It's not on me."

Examining your hands before meeting your eyes, she shrugs it off. "Relax, no need to have a nervous breakdown- I'm sure you left it in the car with your bag-"

"No, I had it on me during the previews."

"We did go to the bathroom, too- why not just go check those two places?" she suggests. Concerned filled you, hoping nobody was capable of actually stealing your phone- it would be such a hassle getting another one. "I'll check the bathroom, you check our seats."

Agreeing, the two of you sneakily escape your manager when her back was turned, unpleasantly speed walking down the familiar hall before parting ways to your needed locations.

Opening the thick, black doors and striding up the long runway, your eyes are met with the same darkened seating area you were in less than twenty minutes ago.

Then and there, you use this desertion in power- running towards the middle rows consider 'vip' and begin your inspection. Fuck, you wish your had some form of light to help- you couldn't see shit.

Sliding your fingers among the seat, you lift up the cushions in hopes it mysteriously pops up, but all you find is pieces of popcorn and gum glued down.

Gross.

Feeling your eyes begin to water, you were sure you were seconds away from crying like a little kid over the loss of your beloved possession before you heard a deep voice call out for your attention.

"Is this yours? I heard it ringing when I came back in and- uh," the person froze, not having the ability to finish off their sentence as you gradually lifted your body off the floor into their view.

Hopelessly praying the stranger was regarding your phone, your eyes search for their hands first and there it was- your phone!

The corners of your mouth lift up, as well as the creases around your eyes as you internally cheer for your discovery. However, it faltered once you noticed a familiar tattoo laying on one of their palms. Moving your eyes up, you're sure your smile completely disappears once you recognize those brown eyes.

How did you not catch onto his voice from down there?

"Uh- yeah- that's mine," you nervously reply, choking on your words that probably made you sound like you were about to lose consciousness by how strung you were, and hesitantly reach out for the device.

Pedro quietly lets you grab it, not saying one word as your hands collide for a split second before the object was back in your own. You didn't miss the name that appeared on the lit up screen when touched- your assistant must have tried calling you to see if the phone would ring in the bathroom.

Smart.

Avoiding awkward farewells, Pedro swiftly turns around and makes his way down the theatre stairs, not daring to continue on with the barely existing conversation you shared. He's leaving, that fast?

Thinking about all your past interactions, he would always try to chat with you- even when you did give him the coldest shoulder of all time- because that's who he was: kind.

But now he's...walking away?

"Hey- uhm," you begin, following clumsily after him, almost tripping on one of the steps as he reaches his final steps and doubtfully turns your way. Once you stood another step ahead of him, you feel that swirling feeling in your stomach again.

You were nervous- you've never felt this way around him during your breakup- never.

Adjusting your arms inside your jacket, a small smile is extracted out of you as you watch his stay flat. He did not look interested one bit and it frightened you to death. "Thanks for finding my phone- I-I was really scared there for a minute."

Not reacting to your little laugh at the end, he replied- dull. "I didn't know it was yours, I would have given it to guest services if so."

Ouch, you're sure you're hurt expression was recognizable on the outside as much as it pained you on the inside. He really did not want to talk to you, even when you're showing your appreciation.

He really was over you.

"I know," you squeak out, not missing the way his eyes tiredly scanned your own as his body stood there stiff as ever. "I just wanted to thank you, that's all- you saved me a lot of trouble."

Coldly laughing from that, he nods. "I'm sure I have."

Your body tingled with rage as he carelessly ignored your warmth and threw jabs in return. "What's with the attitude? I'm doing nothing wrong here- I'm trying to be friendly."

Inching up, his face presents a sullen one and you immediately feel intimated by the height he owned and used as his advantage. Just the first few seconds before he spoke alone made you feel his displeasure. "And what about all those times I was friendly? I received shit so forgive me for allowing you to experience the same treatment you give others."

Loss for words, you were speechless and didn't know what to say back. For one, you were alarmed by his hard demeanor he gifted to you. Second, humiliation soared throughout as he called out your imperfections.

In other words, he wanted you to know you were a bitch.

"And I take that back but-"

Pedro was about to burst out laughing in front of your face, but he held himself together in sake of your feelings. Can you believe that, despite the misery he still cared for your state of mind. "Taking back isn't apologizing."

Sneering, you cross your arms as his eyebrows furrowed in irritation. "Apologize for what? You were the one who fucked my life over."

Scoffing, he shakes his head in vexation by your lack of empathy- as always. "Countless of times we would contemplate our faults and how we could move on and now you're discounting your wrongdoings- typical."

Pedro did not want to have another unpleasant argument with you, especially in a public setting again, and decided it was best to just walk away. If he kept his mouth shut, he wouldn't make this altercation worse.

Meeting his broad back, you lightly gasp as he ignores you altogether and makes his leave far too early for your liking. Charging towards him, you feel his back solidify once your fingers yank him to a halt.

You were not done with this conversation, but you did know once you got home you were definitely going to regret how toxic you were radiating in the room.

"Typical? What do you mean by that?"

"Knock it off and let me walk away, y/n," Pedro warns, still facing his back towards you after blocking your attempts of moving him. "We both know how badly this will end."

You know, but for some reason you don't want him to leave. Was that so bad?

"No, I wanna hear exactly what you have to say about me- maybe it'll make me recognize the ignorant ego I have."

"You're talking out in anger, you're trying to cause a fire that I won't let you ignite," he simply replies, his eyes still not found by his hidden appearance.

Very poetic.

Scowling profoundly, you don't realize what you're doing until you're finally met with his provoked display after. Stalking around his body, you stand in front of him and jab a finger towards his chest. "You're preventing me from bettering myself, isn't that what you always wanted?"

Leaning down until his face with inches away from yours, you make out his hard features clearly now. His face expressed discomfort as his eyes creased while lifting- even his lips stayed hard as a rock. "I'm going to tell you one more time, let me go."

Ignoring his cold shoulder, he inhaled a sharp breath before taking matters into his own hands. You don't want to listen? Fine. But he wasn't going to let you drag him into this any further.

Right as you push another finger up against him, your wrist was taken and roughly pushed down by your side as Pedro's body practically belted against yours. "Get off me!"

"Not until you stop fucking around," he grunted, immediately widening his eyes in realization. He knows you don't like when he casually curses directly to you- even when he doesn't harm. "Sorry- I-I meant when you stop playing around."

Praying that a smile doesn't escape you, it made you feel some type of way capturing his manners and how even though you two were on rocky terms- he still had some respect for you.

"Why are we even fighting right now?" you sigh, slowly softening your muscles in forfeit.

"You tell me- it sounds like you want my attention," he casually replied, releasing your hands and stepping back an inch. "Considering you won't let me leave."

"I'm just trying to have a normal, polite conversation! Is that so wrong?"

Softly laughing, he shakes his head in disappointment. "You don't get it."

Scrunching your face, you become lost by his words. "Get what?"

Scanning the wall before meeting your eyes again, Pedro motions his hands between the two of you. "What do you think will come out of us having a conversation? Acquaintances? Maybe a friendship?"

Thinking about it for a second, you feel your head eventually nod as he squeezes his eyes shut in return. Was that not what he's been trying to do- end in good terms? "It's what's healthy for us."

"Us?!" Pedro groans, sending you a tired gaze that had you weak to the knees. "There is no 'us' anymore. You made that perfectly clear after causing a scene last month in front of your friends."

"I didn't plan on that happening a-"

"I'm even letting go the bigger scene you caused inside the after party- isn't that enough to understand why I feel this way?" he adds on, frustrated that you would think otherwise.

You were the one who caused the attention and brought a bad look on his name. He should be shouting at you like you would have done to him if the roles were reversed.

"I'm not saying we should get back together, all I want-"

"-is a friendship? Some sort of relation that won't make us strangers?" he interjects, causing you to stay silent. That was all he needed to understand what you really wanted: not to let him go. "Look, we had our history, but I don't think it's good we keep in contact anymore."

You swear you felt all air leave your body as your face felt cold. Was he breaking up with you- in life itself?

"I-uhm don't- I don't understand," you cough, scared to make a bigger fool out of yourself. You're sure you probably look like a ghost by how much color you've lost since his recent reveal and again- you were grateful this room was dim. "Why can't we at least be friends? Not even that- why can't we at least know we have each other in our lives? Why end up as strangers?"

"What do you mean? We hadn't talked to each other in almost a year till last month! We basically are strangers," he exclaimed, causing you to look down at your feet as your heart ached.

He wasn't wrong- you just hadn't realized he's been right. And to blame was you, not him. You pushed him away in the first place, he was only kind enough to oblige.

And it was surely pathetic how now you wanted him back in your life, even if it meant not even talking just to assure yourself he still had your back.

He didn't.

"Y/n..." he sadly muttered, trying his best not to hurt your feelings as you were still continued to stay downwards- not wanting to disclose more hurt. "You didn't even say happy birthday to me, how can you be considered a friend? Friends don't do that, not to me at least."

This caused you to glance back up to him, disagreeing immediately as to what he was trying to get at. Of course you knew it was his birthday, you celebrated two with him in the past! "I didn't want to make things weird-"

"You never do but still avoid me like the plague and breakdown whenever I'm too close to your liking. I'm sorry for trying to do what's best and leave us in the past,-" he explains, closing his eyes in discomfort, "-but I can't keep letting this go on. I'm too old to be going back and forth as if this is some high school relationship- it's not."

High school relationship- you never knew simple three words could have you shrinking in guilt.

"And I know things will be easier for you when the time comes- I won't be around to nag you," Pedro tries to lighten up the mood but you can't break the line upon your lips. You were emotionless and it made Pedro upset.

Why would he be upset? You finally deserved learning your lesson after treating him as if he was nothing to you. But despite all your flaws, he still cared for you.

He cares so much that he's willing to let you go so you can do better things in life- without him.

Trying to find the right words to say, you give up. There isn't much to discuss now that he wants nothing to do with you.

You fucked up- for real this time.

In fact, you shouldn't even be hurt- you wanted this. Or at least that's what you thought before last month when he wasn't on your mind 24/7.

Maybe it was the way he begged for your forgiveness after not seeing each other for so long that made you realize how badly you adored him nearby.

Maybe it was the attention he was giving you after you continuously rejected his pleads, furthering the argument until he stormed off in the end.

And maybe you should've took his concluding estrangement announcement seriously before he left you last month.

But just like they say, you never know what you have until it's gone.

"I see," you quietly respond, slowly nodding as a faint grin forms among Pedro's lips, appreciating your cooperation over this mess. "Maybe it is best if we stray away from each other- you can even delete my number."

"I already have," he accidentally blurts out, not realizing how bad that sounds until he hears it himself and cringes. Your sufferable reaction didn't make things better.

"You know what," you fake a laugh, trying to calm your voice as you feel it about to crack any second. The tears were heading your way- you just knew it. "Fuck you."

Pedro's face falls, taken back by your inappropriate language. "Excuse me?"

Noticing your rushed attitude, he wanted to stop you and tell you everything was alright. That everything was going to be easy and how the two of you would get passed this.

But he knew he'd be lying.

"You heard me, fuck you," you casually slip out, scoffing as his eyes darken. "For someone who's so kind to others, I would have thought you would know what words were right to say."

"You're one to talk, sweetheart," he chuckled, staring at you in repulse. "Every time you talk you always have to neglect someone else, I'm fucking glad I don't have to witness that ever again."

"Me too, my family was right- you are a joke who wasted my time."

With that, you make your leave to have the chance of having the last word. Maybe if you left this room faster he would forget about your comment. You knew it was harsh but you didn't know what else to say.

You wanted him to hurt- but to what extent?

Your arm was instantly tugged as Pedro pulled you back, not letting his grip go as his face was still filled with resentment. "And your team was right, you are a bitch."

Freezing, you stare at him in shock as his face doesn't fall once. What the hell is he talking about? "Get away from me or else-"

"Or else what? Weren't you the one physically blocking me from leaving minutes ago? What has changed?" he tries to smirk, manipulating you into believing how ruthless he could be when really he was dying to tell you the act he was pulling. "Cat got your tongue?"

Your face felt hot with rage as you yanked your arm off his hand, catching him by surprise as you glared at him. "I'm so glad I never took you back, you're fucking pathetic."

"And I'm insanely glad you didn’t, saved thousands returning that fucking ring."

Those twelve words made you halt and even made Pedro speechless. By the staggered look planted on his face, you could tell he didn't mean to say that.

Ring? As in, an engagement ring?

Weakly failing to stand straight, you felt your voice crack. "You were going to propose?"

Shaking his head, he swiftly backed away. "I need to go." Before you could stop him, he was already out of the theatre and probably near larger gatherings of people that would only prevent you from talking about this more.

Holding your face with your hands, you couldn't even cry. You didn't know what to do, you were utterly lost for words.

If he was really going to propose like he hinted at, what meaning did your last fight have? Nothing made sense and you don't know how you could move on from this now that he wanted you out of his life completely.

Hearing doors open, you instantly averted your gaze in hopes he had come back in and planned to properly finish what he started.

Instead, you manager came barging in while gripping onto your assistant's wrist harshly.

"Where the hell have you been?! I've been looking for you everywhere and to find out your stupid assistant-"

"Don't you dare disrespect her," you sternly cut her off, watching as her face falters by your sudden tone. "If you're here to pester us some more, feel free to walk home."

Laughing in shock, your manager tilts her head at your rudeness. "Excuse me? It wasn't my fault your assistant wondered off. After everything I have done to protect you and your career you feel the need to throw me out-"

"Did she hurt you?" you cut her off, focusing on your assistant who has gone quiet. You notice the redness on her small wrists before she slowly nods, looking down in fear your manager would try something else.

"You're fired," you simply state, pushing past your frantic ex- manager as you lightly guide your assistant out the door.

You ignore the rage your ex- manager unveils as you make it back to the lobby. Ignoring the waves random people sent your way in hopes of finding your destined car sooner so you could help your assistant with her injuries and be home already.

And in bed to think about what the fuck just happened tonight.

+

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[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I keep posting around what I actually wanna say about Buck, Eddie, and the parallel love lives, and, well, their love lives have been written as parallel but misaligned, but I don't think they are that misaligned anymore. Or at least they are the closest they have ever been. Abby and Shannon both serve as the first love who left and never gave them real closure, Abby left, forced Buck to leave her, came back and didn't admit to anything, just continued to force Buck to deal with it on his own, and Shannon left, only came back because Eddie asked her to, and she died right after asking for a divorce, so she never gave Eddie time to process the idea of permanently letting go of her before he was forced to do it on his own, and they are the love they keep reliving, because they were forced to find that closure on their own and they can't. Eddie because he is actively chasing Shannon and Buck because he is trapped in the same structure as his relationship with Abby, meeting because of work, the other person starts it, they leave at some point, at most times it feels like Buck is more in it than the other person. Buck gets a whole apartment because of Ali, Taylor was never as intense as we knew she could be about Buck, Natalia ran away because of who he is, Tommy doesn't seem to be putting in as much effort as he could. Ana, Marisol, and Kim and Ali, Taylor, Natalia, and Tommy, they get scrambled in the parallels between themselves though. I think mostly because where Buck needs time, Eddie needs intensity. Buck will realize stuff if you give him enough time, Eddie will only realize shit if it slaps him in the face. And Eddie's breakups tend to be Eddie's fault, where Buck breakups are usually because the other person does something. So one to one parallels are hard to draw, but they are there. Ana and Ali both are relationships that started because people keep telling them it was time to move on. Natalia and Marisol show up in their lives because of a call that wasn't about them, and they go out because they actually want to ask them out. Tommy and Kim both give the impression of it being about someone else, Kim is a carbon copy of Shannon, Tommy is presented to us as very similar to Eddie and he also parallels other Buck li, and there's also the way Eddie doesn't really want to date Kim and Buck and Tommy have the conversation about taking things slow. Taylor exists in a different situation because Eddie doesn't really have a multiseason love interest, Ana has a lot less episodes, so it's hard to compare the introductions, but Taylor and Ana parallel each other with the being introduced in an episode their family gets hurt, the whole thing with the brownies and Bobby and Chris and the skateboard, and the hurting Buck and Eddie part comes from their jobs, Taylor wants to capitalize on Bobby's addiction and Ana was the teacher responsible for making sure Chris stays safe, I think even the way Taylor's camera man teases them and the way Carla teases Eddie about Ana, structure wise Taylor and Ana are introduced in a similar way, and then coming back into their lives in unrelated circumstances, Taylor happens to be covering a scene Buck is working on and Eddie runs into Ana again during an unrelated call and later asking them out because of peer pressure. Ali, Ana, Taylor, and Marisol also parallel each other with being someone they meet while working and then start dating after a period of time has passed unlike Natalia. Taylor, Ana, and Natalia all get treated by them and that's interesting when they are not actually paramedics. There are a bunch of parallels between Natalia and Ana when it comes to conversations Buck and Eddie have with them too.

Kim parallels Taylor with the way both of them create chaos in their personal lives, Kim ends up making Chris want to leave and causes the breakup with Marisol, Taylor continues to try to capitalize on Buck's family even in a situation where their lives were actually at stake (and Chim is family in a more traditional way, now obviously because he's Buck's brother in law but at the time because he's the father of Buck's niece, and it is interesting that Chim leaves and actively wants to be as far away as possible from Buck and Chris is trying to get as far away as possible from Eddie, and I know the Chim's situation is not about Buck, but the person getting hurt the most over Taylor/Kim actions actually leaves the state while wanting to stay away from Buck/Eddie after finding out they were keeping something from them, which is something).

So the storyline parallels between all the love interests are there, but the things that's been getting me the most right now are the lines you can draw between Tommy and Kim. Because the thing is, while Eddie is actively chasing Shannon, I believe that Buck has let the Abby ship sail, but they are both looking in familiarity for something they already have with each other. With familiarity I mean the way Tommy parallels all of Buck's love interests, including Eddie, and the way Kim literally looks familiar. But also the way neither would have a chance of working long term because of that familiarity. Eddie can never bring Kim into his life, so that relationship would forever be surface level, and so far no real depth has been added to Buck and Tommy even though the show had opportunities to do so. Both Tommy and Kim presented Buck and Eddie with something they wanted but weren't fully aware of until they slammed into them, with Buck is the general concept of attraction to men he couldn't understand on his own and with Eddie, he didn't fully confront the way he still wants something from Shannon, that being more time, closure, or just the general feeling of grief that sometimes gets so unbearable you just want it to stop for a little bit and Kim was enough to trick his brain so it would stop for a second, I don't know, but she was offering something. But either way Eddie is finally at a point where he might actually look around to try and find out what he wants, because he was forced to confront the ghost of Shannon and Chris is not there, so he's at a point where he has enough puzzle pieces to realize that what he wants is the life he already has with Buck, the same way Buck can trip into the realization he already built his idea of love with someone, he just didn't understand Eddie is also an option. I think both of them work as a way to expand Buck and Eddie's dating pool, Eddie beyond what's expected from him, a mother for Chris, and Buck beyond women. So I think this is the closest they've ever been to actually being able to stumble into each other.

[doudouneverte]

Obi imagine

Part 1 - Obi Breakups up with Reader because of a argument. Can be because of anything but it’s bad. Maybe Accuse of cheating bad or something else? Anyway Reader ends up moving to a new club from Wolfsburg without telling Obi after the heartbreak. (Sad Ending).

Part 2 - After the breakup and not seeing each other for months? Weeks? They’re about to see each other again at the German national camp. Awkward, Reader tries to ignore Obi because she is still hurt, maybe gets close with another teammate which makes Obi jealous. Anyway it’s a mess and affects the way the team plays so the team try to get them to resolve their problems. Who knows maybe communicating is all they needed to do (Happy Ending).

a/n: thank you; that's a very good request

Up and Down

Pairing: Lena Oberdorf x EintrachtF!Reader; Laura Freigang x GERWNT!Reader(best friend); GERWNT x Reader

Summary: based on the request above

Type: angst & fluff

Warning:

word count: 2295

-----

Honestly, you didn't know how you got there. A few minutes earlier, you were having just a little heated chat, and now things were totally blowing up.

"-you're always acting like that!" The midfielder yelled at you.

"Lena, watch your tone..." 

"Or what? You'll also tell it to Laura, maybe?" 

Here we go again, you thought. Honestly, you didn't know how everything started. Laura and you have always been close; she was like the sister you never had. Even after you signed your first contract with Wolfsburg and hers with Frankfurt, things never changed between you two. And it was really cool at first.

But since a few months ago, you started to date Lena. And even if everybody was aware of your bond with the number 10 of Frankfurt, the midfielder didn't see it in a good way. Well, not at first. At first, she was more than happy to see how you connected on the pitch with your best friend, but quickly you also restarted to connect off the pitch. As much as you could, you were on your way to Frankfurt to see her or on the phone with her, and that started to piss off your girlfriend. More than that, she started to accuse you of cheating on her with your own best friend, which was totally crazy.

"Can you please not bring that again?" You were already more angry about where things were going.

"Why?" 

"Look, we lost, okay? I'm as angry as you, but right now Laura has nothing to do with that." Losing 4-0 was never a good experience, even more so when it's against your best friend's team.

"Of course she has something to do with it when she scored a brace and that you didn't do anything to stop her." 

"I'm a striker; that's not my principal job to stop opponents offensives. That's your job, so stop being mad at something you should have done!" You also started to raise your voice. To be completely honest, you didn't like raising your voice and even more on Lena, even when she's mean like that.

"You know what? I don't know why we decided to start this." She said with a seemingly quieter voice. "Maybe it was a mistake."

You took a moment to analyze what she said before asking, "What do you mean? What was a mistake?" 

"Everything. This match. Us. Everything." She replied with a light sob.

"Babe, you're not doing what I think?" You asked even if you already knew the answer.

"Sorry, Y/n but it doesn't work between. I think we need to break up and start to focus more on ourselves than us." She replied. There was a loud silence while you were processing everything.

"No, Lena, please, you can't." 

"I'm sorry, Y/n." She said while she made her way to the door of your apartment. "I'll ask Jule to pick up my thing during the week. Good bye." She finished her sentence by closing the door behind her, letting you alone in front of the door with a blurry vision drowned in tears and a last memory of your lover ending what seemed to be the best thing in your life.

This night, you cried a lot. The other half of the bed being totally empty was the principal reason. Even before you started to date, Lena had a lot of sleepovers at your place, and most of the time you would both fall asleep on your bed after talking for hours about everything and nothing, like you didn't spend almost all your day together.

Crossing that door broke not only your relationship with her but also your friendship.

A few kilometers away from Wolfsburg, your best friend started to worry when she didn't receive any text from you. You always texted each other after a game, even if you played against each other. It was like a silent promise that you made.

At first, she thought that you were just trying to seek comfort with your girlfriend, but when the next day, Jule called her to let her know that you hadn't contacted any members of the team for the whole day, it started to worry her.

You still didn't know why you did this, but after Lena broke up with you, you called Tommy and told him that you needed some time to yourself before leaving the city. The ride was like usual; you knew it so well for a while now. When you arrived at your destination, it was already past 12 a.m. You didn't have to make the call to know that she would be there.

Laura was desperately trying to reach you when she heard someone knock on her door. She didn't wait until she opened the door to face you. You were exhausted because of the ride, and from your face, she knew that you didn't sleep eight hours the previous night.

"What are you doing here?" The midfielder asked but didn't wait for your answer to drag you into her apartment. "Jule called me; she said that you didn't reply when she called you and that something bad happened yesterday." Your best friend told you, very worried, and when you replied with nothing but silence, her state didn't change for the best. "Y/n? What's wrong?"

Hearing this question made you remember why you were there. Tears started to roll down your cheeks, and you didn't do anything to stop them.

"She left me." You said between sobs, making your best friend look at you confused. "She broke up with me." You added before falling apart. The Frankfurt player held you in her arms, trying to comfort you while her jaw was clenched. She was ready to kill the Wolfsburg player.

"Hey, I'll prepare the spare bedroom and let you rest well." She proposed after you started to calm down. When you nodded, she stood up and took your bags and put them in the spare room.

One hour later, you were sleeping while Laura was just ending a call with your mom when she told her that you had decided to spend some time in hers. She was pouring a cup of water, trying to calm her anger, when she heard someone knock on her door. Once the door opened, the midfielder was greeted by two of your national teammates.

"Where is she?" Anyomie asked. Laura pointed to the spare bedroom with her head, letting the forward find you.

"I swear I'll kill Lena." Sara declared while she followed the younger player.

"Not if I beat you on that," Laura said.

"Did she tell you why?"

"No, she came; she cried, and I prepared her a room, and she fell asleep almost instantly." The defender hummed, trying to understand everything.

~~~~~

You spent almost all the week at Laura, sometimes leaving to see your mom, who still lived in Frankfurt. After that week, you made your way back to Wolfsburg. The rest of the season was not really better because you finished second, just behind Bayern, and lost against Barcelona in the Champions League final.

Because of the situation with Lena and because Wolfsburg was not too excited to make you sign a new contract, when Frankfurt proposed to you to join them, you accepted instantly. This move made you distance yourself from Lena for a long period of time. But things couldn't stay like that when you had your national camp.

At camp, it was clear that your situation with the Wolfsburg player. You knew it because of some glare some players sent to her when you arrived. Thankfully for you, you were quickly dragged away by Jule and a few Bayern players. While you were distracted, Laura made her way to Lena with an unreadable face.

"Oh, ooh, someone is about to get killed right now." Lina said, alerting Alexandra.

The two younger women walk away from any attention before coming back a few minutes later. Lena had a rather scared expression, while Laura seemed satisfied.

Whatever your best friend told your ex-girlfriend, it made her stay away from you for at least a few days. But being on the same team meant that sometimes you had to face her. Thankfuly, every time you did, you were not alone. Since a few weeks now, you have spent all your free time with Sydney when you were not stuck with Laura.

Seeing this started to make Lena obviously jealous. It was so obvious that Merle and Alex had to keep an eye on the younger Wolfsburg player to be sure she didn't do something stupid.

~~~~~

What should be something rather private, started to worry the team when yours and Lena's performances on the pitch were worse than they should be. It was clear that things between you started to invade the professional side, and you felt bad for that because your teammates shouldn't have to suffer from that.

After the last game before the trip to Ocenia for the World Cup, you were requested by your captains in your and Laura's room.

"What's going on here?" You asked when you saw your ex-Wolfsburg captain on your bed.

"Y/n, we need to talk." Svenja told you gently, but you could sense that she was not really happy about whatever would happen.

You sat in front of them, waiting for one of them to start to speak, but your door got opened before that.

"Oh, sorry." Lena said when she saw you and your confused expression.

"No, Lena, stay here. We need to talk to you too." Alex said. The midfielder awkwardly sat between her two teammates. "Do you have any idea why we asked you to come here?" The tall captain asked, receiving two confused faces plus a groan from you.

"Okay, maybe we should ask others too." Svenja said, and you didn't have time to question it until your door burst open and all your teammates were there.

"What the hell are you doing here?" you asked.

"The real question is, why do we have to be there?" Sara asked, visibly tired; she just woke up from a nap.

"Sorry, Sara, I promise that we will not bother you after that, but it's really important." Svenja said.

"Oh, are we finally talking about the elephant in the room?" Jule asked before sitting next to Svenja.

"So, who wants to say it?" Alex's question earned a lot of raised hands. "I think you should do it, Laura." The captain said all the other girls whined or groaned in deception. Now your attention was on your best friend.

"You guys are terrible." Laura started referring to you and Lena. "We know that there is a whole problem between you; nobody can miss it. But we think that there are a lot of things that you didn't say to each other, and that starts to affect the team. So, I think you need to work on that because I promise you that it starts killing us to see you unable to connect on and off the pitch." The Frankfurt player explained, earning a nod from everyone, confirming what she said.

You and Lena look at each other. It was the first time you really looked at her since the breakup, and it's useless to say that despite what happened, you couldn't deny that she was still the same girl you fell in love with. The midfielder couldn't deny that either. When everyone noticed the looks, they took their clues and left you to talk.

The silence was a little cringe at first, but she knew she had to say something. "I'm sorry," she started. "I shouldn't act like that. I knew how you felt about being yelled at, and I still did that. I'm sorry, really."

"It's okay." You accepted her apology rather quickly, which seemed to surprise her. "But..." Of course there was a 'but'; there is always one. "You still need to apologize for something else." You reminded her.

The brunette looked at you for a moment, then quickly looked around the room. "I'm also sorry to believe that you cheated on me with Laura. I know that you hate when people ship on you, but I still use that to break up with you because I couldn't take all the pressure." She stopped for a moment, and her eyes started to shine. "I should have talked with you instead of ending this. I couldn't find peace for a few weeks after this day." 

You moved to sit next to her and grab her hand. "I accept your apology, but it really hurt me. And it was from you, so it was even worse. I loved you; no, I still love you because even after that, it is almost impossible to hate you. I don't know about you, but I really want to try again, but before that, you need to promise me to talk to me when things start to get too much." You finished by wiping her baby tears and leaving a kind kiss on her cheek.

"Yes, I promise you." She replied immediately, making you laugh. "Wait, you really want to try again despite everything?" she asked when she finally understood what you said.

"Yes, but before that, you need to prove that you deserve it and also apologize to Laura." You said before standing up and escorting her to the door.

"Wait, can I still ask you if I can pick you up tomorrow for a date?" It was really quick, but you had to admit that her confidence was one of the reasons you admired her. When you nodded, her face suddenly shone. "Okay, it's a date then." She clarified before selling the deal with a quick kiss on your lips.

[glisten-inthedark]

So I watched someone's byler analysis video on youtube, and their perspective on the van scene blew my mind for some reason? Idk why I never even considered this. It seems so obvious, but it's made me think thoughts.

I love speculating abt what Mike was thinking during the van scene... but yeah they said that Mike probably knew that Will was talking about himself during the veiled love confession.

Most people think Mike is oblivious, but I have a feeling that Mike REMEMBERED that El doesn't know about the painting + that it was for 'someone Will likes'.

If Mike really, truly thought the painting was from El, and that those were El's feelings that Will talked about, why all the lip glances? Why all the longing stares and gulps and breathing? Mike felt so moved by the painting and by Will's words... if he thought they were from El, wouldn't he just stare longingly out the window or anywhere else OTHER than WILL?

The byler analyst also said that Mike's 'Yeah?' at the end was one of uncertainty - he was subtly asking for confirmation that these were Will's feelings. Like it's just dawned upon Mike that Will might have feelings for him, and his hopes are getting up. He said that sort of to 'test the waters.'

People also wonder why Mike didn't say anything when he saw Will cry into his hand. But I think:

They weren't alone, so anything said would have to be veiled anyways.

Mike and Will often speak to each other under the guise of talking abt El... it happened at Rink-O-Mania too. It would be difficult for Mike to say anything directly to Will after that van conversation, maybe?

Mike may have saw that Will needed space for a bit? Or Mike himself needed time to process their conversation and revel in the painting?

The byler analyst also said that this conversation led Mike to almost break up with El at the pizza place, which I agree with too. It very much looked like a mutual breakup about to take place. I feel like Mike has wanted to break up with El for a while now... he keeps on telling Will about his relationship problems, as if he subconsciously wants encouragement that breaking up would be the right choice for them.

Anyways, when Will said, 'You're the heart' whilst El was choking, a switch might have flipped in his brain. It went from:

Will? sees me as the heart?

Wait... it really was El who sees me as the heart... wait... so it was all El all along? Not Will? Not Will at all? But I thought-

Which explains the confusion and distress on Mike's face as Will probed him. As the byler analyst pointed out, if Mike REALLY thought all along that the painting + Will's words were from El, there is NO reason for him to seem so confused when Will reminded him that 'You're the heart.'

And that's when Mike's hopes fell again. Anyways, would love your thoughts on this!

Hello! How are you?

Ok, so at first I wasn't entirely sure Mike figured out the feelings Will was talking about were his, but the more I think about the scene, the more convinced I get that even though he didn't know everything, he knew enough.

Finn claimed that he asked the Duffers how Mike could have been that oblivious but I think he's a lying liar who lies because he did not play that scene as if he didn't know that his character didn't know. No, he played as if he was entranced by Will - not by the painting that was supposedly coming from the girl he loved - but by the person giving it to him.

So I totally believe that he knew, how much he knew I can't say for sure, but he knew something which explains Finn's acting choices, because like you said, if he truly thought the words were from El, he wouldn't have looked at Will like that.

And is the perfect setup for more misunderstandings, because as soon as Will tells Mike he's the heart, he figures he misunderstood the entire thing, he probably felt like he was such an idiot, which also explains his expressions, and it leaves the writer in the position of allowing Mike to be the one pining and believing his feelings are unrequited.

OH THE ANGST!!

[apt502-if]

Lowkey after the breakup with Rainn I was getting scared for my MC, idk if it was just how I was playing it but they seemed almost suicidally depressed, you wrote it really well but I was genuinely concerned that there was gonna be like a jumping off the balcony choice cause I just kept choosing options where my MC was so distraught and crying all the time it was so sad T-T Also crying to their mom about Rainn not loving them anymore AAAAAA 😭😭😭 I know Rainn lives in floor above 502 so I was wondering what their reaction would be to maybe overhearing Mc say that? maybe if they had their window open or something idk. Assuming they even live in the same side of the building lol. my heart broke with the MC I think that’s why Rainn is so popular, you’ve put us in the shoes of MC so well and since Mc isn’t over Rainn neither are the readers. Was Rainn not happy in the relationship for a while and MC didn’t notice? Idk they seemed so over it while MC was spiraling. anyway your demo made me cry for MC but take that as a compliment for writing so good :]

I can't say a lot on their reaction and stuff because it would be spoil Rainn's route :P I feel like Rainn's thought process and how they feel about MC and their relationship post-breakup is better as we get to know them more, but I can say Rainn would feel really bad. And guilty. And probably hate themself. That break up was the hardest thing they've had to do and they mean that. Even harder than law school and their admissions test bwahaha

I'm happy it touched you. I understand that's likely why Rainn is so popular too. MC not being over Rainn (in a day) is canon and there's no way around it. We have to experience MC's heartbreak but it'll be nice to experience them moving on as well :) (or making Rainn beg and that's even more satisfying :p)

[walmartbrandwhatever]

continuing on with the pony died au imagine what happens with cherry. (some don't care about her, but i do!) I might turn this into a oneshot later, but heres me yapping bc the qpr server has me going crazy about Pony dying at the fountain au rn.

imagine that night cherry is in her room still trying to process her breakup with bob and trying to block out the smell of alcohol and the running water coming from the locked bathroom. she stuck laying in her bed just blankly at her ceiling tossing and turning when she hears a knock on her window. confused she pushes herself up and off her bed and grabbed the nearest object she cpuld find and pushed back her curtains to reveal her now ex boyfriend.

confused, she’s opens her window to a distressed bob who is rambling on about something, but it's inconceivable. shushing him quickly, she helps him into her room and closes the window behind him. she glances towards the door and prays her father doesn't walk in. not when he's drunk. sitting bob down on her bed, she tries to get him to tell her what happened. even though she had ended things, she still loves him, and she can't find it in herself to turn him away when he's in a state his in.

in the light she can now see the blood stained clothes and knuckles which makes her heart sink. another fight and part of her deep down wonders if it was ponyboy's blood. she can't being herself to sit down next to him so she just stands infront of him with her arms crossed. he goes on to describe the events that just took place and her heart is pounding in her ears. never once did she think bob would actually kill someone. she takes a few steps away from him as he stands up and steps towards her for any kind of comfort. this was not the man she had fallen in love with. this man- no this boy isn't bob Sheldon who would hold her as she cried over her parents. this wasn't bob Sheldon who would show her the truest bits of himself. this was the boy who drunk himself to sleep and got all his anger off on boys that didn't even look his way.

she tells him to leave even though it breaks her heart. she still loves Bob Sheldon but not this boy in front of her. not anymore.

his pleads eventually stop and he leaves her standing alone in her cold room that they had once found comfort I'm eachother. his arms no longer warm just cold and covered by the blood of a kid who wanted nothing more then to run off and watch sunsets. of a boy who just wanted the love from his brother who couldn't seem to catch a break. and she just wanted to curl up and cry.

ponyboy curtis was a boy who had come In to her life for a day and completely changed it. had showed her a side of the world she had been completely obvious to. part of her feels guilty because she had been the one to invite him and Johnny to sit next to her. she had been the one who had pissed bob off. she should have just gone with bob...

the next few days she was in and out of questioning. she answers truthfully but she knows the cops have never cared for the Eastside and she knows it's a losing battle. a unfair battle lost. she tries to work up the courage to say something to ponyboys family but she doesn't because they are going through it enough and she doesn't think she could stand to see their broken faces so she doesn't.

she instead spends her time at the hospital volunteering and avoiding the faces of ponyboys friends nonexistent in her life until one day her car runs outta gas and the only place she can fill it is at the dx. she had been mindlessly moving through her days. marcia has tried to get her to open up but the star cheerleader just stays closed. bobs hopeless looks to her at school didn't help her guilt and anger.

marcia had asked her to join her to train for the upcoming rodeo and she had missed barrel racing so she was quick to agree plus she need a distraction from the world which seemed to have different plans for her. coming face to face with one ponyboys older brother, sodapop had tossed her world around.

she has know him for years yet they had been so far from each other. seeing the boy who had been so quick to talk to her when they were younger turn into a boy who looked on the brink of death had completely thrown her off. could this be the same boy who couldn't stop giving her stupid letters as a kid. the same letters she kept hidden in her closet which held the forgotten what ifs that she had thought about before bob. before life had gotten so complicated.

his blue eyes that she had once been so excited to see as a kid no longer comforting now that they were older. she had truly fought with herself to forget the past but the constant comfort those thoughts of being ale to live without having to truly think about staus was nice.

pushing past her fear she walked towards the counter where he was standing behind she gave a quick hello which wasn't met with a response. she quickly pays for her gas and the small snack she had picked out but stops when she hears soda speak.

"you're his girlfriend right? Bob Sheldon."

his voice no longer something that brighten the room just cold and harsh. she turns to meet his eyes and all she can see is the anger and pain he must be feeling. she can't find herself to blame him for that. she can feel her heart swell and pound.

"not...anymore. I had broken up with him that night at the drive-in"

she could see him process her words then just deflate. he simply gave her a soft 'oh' before taking his eyes off of her. he looks so tired and she wanted nothing more then to give any comfort towards him but she doesn't know him. she never did but she wished she could've gotten to know the boy pony had raved about that night.

she leaves without another word but doesn't leave without once last look to the shell of the boy she had once knew. she doesn't see him for years after that, nor the boy that had been with ponyboy that night and she wonders if that's more blood on bobs hands but she doesn't know because she leaves the first chance she gets because she can't stand the town where everything had gone so wrong.

cherry valance, a girl who couldn't deal with the pain caused from a boy she hadn't been able to know.

[momhwa-agenda]

come back to me

PAIRING: Boyfriend!Sangyeon/Female Reader

WARNINGS: Angst, comfort, make-up sex (MINORS DNI)

SUMMARY: Two weeks have passed and you still haven't spoken to Sangyeon since that fight. Since you told him you wanted to take a break. Deep down you wanted to talk things over, finally set things straight. You loved him you always have, and so did he. Now it was just a matter of swallowing your pride and making things right with him.

A/N: This felt like a real breakup tbh. I had a concept in mind and I was really in the feels for this...I always am. It's Lee Sangyeon, since when was I normal about him? Then one day I got caught in the rain, on my way home after doing some errands, and I got the ideas on what to write for this piece. Special shout out to @kitschun who talked me through the angsty delusions. Reminding me that opposites attract.

TAGLIST: @daisyvisions @snowflakewhispers @midnightfantasiez

You glance at the clock and sigh. It's been two weeks since you and Sangyeon decided to take a break from your relationship. The emotional distance had grown too vast even before you decided to take time off each other, and the gnawing suspicion that he might be cheating on you only worsened things. You stare at your phone, the urge to call him battling with your pride. But before you can decide, a text notification pops up. It's Sangyeon.

"Can we meet? We need to talk."

You hesitate, your heart racing. Finally, you type back, "Okay. Where?"

"Usual spot. 15 minutes?"

"Fine."

You grab your coat and head out, the ominous clouds overhead matching your mood. When you arrive at the café, he's already there, looking as tense as you feel. You sit down across from him, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Hi," he says softly.

"Hi," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

"I've missed you," he starts, his eyes searching yours.

A moment of silence fills you and Sangyeon’s booth in the café until you let out a scoff. “Interesting choice of location considering our current state. Through our time together, you never once struck me as someone who needed an audience when discussing personal matters,” you remark.

“Would you have agreed to go to my apartment then?” Sangyeon counters, his voice still gentle but with an edge of frustration. “I know you’re angry at me, Y/N. I’ve known in the years we’ve been dating, and I knew inviting you to talk things out at my place would have made you feel trapped and forced.”

"Then why the text?" you snap back, the frustration bubbling up. "You can't just expect things to go back to normal after everything."

"Because it’s killing me, Y/N," he says, his voice low. "After that fight we had and you told me you needed space, what was I supposed to think? That it was the end? That we couldn’t talk things over?"

A lump starts to form in your throat. Your anger hasn’t subsided, but you feel it in your heart—you want to fix things. The fact that Sangyeon is here, pleading once more to mend the relationship, both uplifts and tears at you. You clear your throat, attempting to control the tears that threaten to pour out.

"Sangyeon…I needed to know if you were seeing someone else," you manage. “I’ve been feeling so inadequate around you…you’re just so perfect, kind, and loving…yet it sometimes feels like the whole universe doesn’t consider us a good fit. In the process, I started to think that you would cheat on me.”

Sangyeon purses his eyebrows together, shutting his eyes. Even he was starting to fight his own tears. "Y/N, I swear I would never cheat on you. How could you think that?"

"How could I not?" you counter, your voice rising. "We’ve both been so busy with work and life, I didn’t know how to tell you about this. You treat me like I’m your world, but I can’t help but think I’m so selfish for inconveniencing you with my insecurities! And don’t even get me started on that old classmate of yours at the reunion who seemed to be your picture-perfect idea of a girlfriend. What else was I supposed to think?"

"It's not what you think," he says, running a hand through his hair. He reaches for your hand, but you move away from him, the action making Sangyeon’s blood run cold.

“Y/N, she’s just a classmate. You’re perfect the way you are.”

Your anger simmers, but doubt begins to creep in. "You could have told me."

"I know," he admits. "I should have. But I didn't want to worry you, since you also had a lot on your plate."

“Well, you could have. You could have reassured me that we were still going strong, that you still loved me.”

“Yeah, and I’m not a mind-reader all the time! Sometimes I can’t figure you out unless you talk to me,” he fires back, his anger finally rising to the surface. Neither of you pay attention to the thunder rumbling outside, which somehow matches the tension between you two.

“Then tell me! Tell me to my face right now I’m a burden to you!”

Sangyeon shakes his head "Why did I even bother…this was a mistake," he mutters, but you manage to hear what he says.

You feel as if a rug was pulled from under your feet, your body starts running cold. You sniff, surrendering to the tears that begin to pour down your cheeks.

“Glad you finally told me what you want,” you say, getting up from your seat and leaving the café.

He follows you outside, and that's when you realize just how hard the rain is pouring. The streets are close to flooding, the water rising ominously at the edges of the sidewalks.

"Y/N, you can't go home by yourself in this weather," he insists, grabbing your arm. "It's too dangerous!"

"I'll be fine!" you snap, pulling away. You open your umbrella, but the wind is so strong it nearly blows it out of your hand.

"Please," he says, his voice softer now. "Let me walk you home. I don't want you to get hurt."

You hesitate, the anger still simmering but less intense now. Reluctantly, you nod. "Fine. But don't think this changes anything."

He takes the umbrella from you, holding it above both of your heads as you start the walk back to your apartment. The rain is relentless, the wind whipping around you, making it difficult to see where you're going.

"Be careful," Sangyeon warns as you navigate the slick streets. "Watch your step."

"Yes, I know, Sangyeon!" you snap, but there's no real venom in your voice. It's hard to stay angry when you're both struggling against the elements.

A particularly strong gust of wind nearly tears the umbrella from his grip, and you both wind up laughing as you fight to keep it steady. It's ridiculous, really, trying to stay dry in this downpour.

"This is hopeless!" you say, shaking your head. "We're going to get soaked no matter what."

He chuckles. "Might as well embrace it, right?"

You glance at him, surprised by his change in attitude. Despite everything, you can't help but smile. Maybe it's the absurdity of the situation, or maybe it's the way he's looking at you, but for a moment, it feels like it used to. Before the arguments, before the doubts.

The rain intensifies, and soon you're both drenched, your clothes sticking to your skin. The umbrella is practically useless now, but you cling to it anyway, more out of stubbornness than anything else.

As you near your apartment, the wind picks up even more, and you struggle to keep hold of the umbrella. Sangyeon steps closer, taking it from you completely.

"Let me," he says, his voice gentle. "You're going to hurt yourself."

You let him, the small gesture chipping away at the last of your resistance. By the time you reach your building, you're both laughing, breathless from the effort of fighting the storm.

"That's not how I pictured our moment in the rain to pan out," Sangyeon says with a wry smile.

You roll your eyes. "What do you mean? When I told you about that fantasy of dancing and then kissing in the rain, you scolded me and said I would get sick."

"Yeah, I did," he admits, a small smile playing on his lips. "But it’s something I remembered."

His words catch you off guard, a flutter stirring in your stomach. You hadn't expected him to remember that conversation, let alone mention it now.

"Come on," you say, feeling a sudden warmth despite the cold. "You can wash up and stay here until the rain dies down."

He nods, and you both head upstairs to your apartment. Once inside, you peel off your soaked jacket and shoes, shivering from the chill. Sangyeon stands awkwardly in the hallway, dripping water on the floor.

"You can use the bathroom first," you say, pointing him in the right direction. "The towels are in the cabinet."

"T-thanks," he says, his voice soft. Yet, Sangyeon doesn’t move an inch and instead looks at you as if he’s been holding something back.

You hesitate for a moment, then turn around and say, “Okay wait. It’s too soon but…look, you’re drenched and I don’t want you getting sick, so what if…”

“No, Y/N, you can go first, it's okay,” he assures you, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes.

“I meant…we could clean each other up,” you suggest, the invitation catching you both by surprise.

He looks at you, eyes wide, then nods slowly. “If you’re okay with it.”

“Yeah,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. “It’ll save us time, and…it’s not like we’re complete strangers.”

You step into the bathroom and he follows right behind you, the tension from the argument still lingering but softened by this unexpected intimacy. As you undress, you catch glimpses of each other, the familiarity of the routine blending with the novelty of the moment.

“Oof! Oh no,” you grunt, struggling to remove your jeans, which have become heavy and drenched from the rain. Sangyeon notices your struggle. He hesitates, unsure whether to offer help or let you manage on your own. Although you were the one who suggested showering together — something he had been thinking about before you mentioned it — he didn't want to be too forward until you signaled that you were ready, hoping for a sign that conveyed not just “I need your help” but also “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore, I forgive you.”

“Ugh, Sangyeon, please, my pants are being a bitch. Can you help?”

Sangyeon exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Kneeling down, he grips the waistband and begins to pull your jeans down. Though you could have managed this on your own, Sangyeon is now at your feet, helping you out of the wet fabric. Once the jeans are down to your ankles, he steadies you as you lift your feet out of the garment. The lingering looks you share all the while remind you why this was a risky decision.

“Thanks…I can take off everything else from here,” you say. Sangyeon stands up, clears his throat, and turns away to give you privacy as you remove your undergarments.

The shower is warm, and you both stand under the stream, letting the water wash away the cold and the remnants of your fight. Sangyeon reaches for the soap, lathering it between his hands before gently rubbing it across your back. You close your eyes, the simple touch bringing a flood of memories and emotions.

You take the soap from him, your hands trembling slightly as you start to lather his chest. You’d forgotten how big and solid his body was, the feel of his muscles under your fingers. The silence between you is thick, charged with unspoken words and lingering feelings.

In the middle of lathering soap on his body, Sangyeon reaches out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind your ear. “I really missed you,” he says, his voice soft and earnest.

You look up at him, meeting his gaze. “I missed you too,” you respond, your voice barely above a whisper.

He leans in, his forehead resting against yours. "I don't want to fight anymore."

"Me neither," you say, your heart aching with the truth of it.

The space between you disappears when leans down, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. The warmth of his mouth against yours, the sensation of his wet skin against your own, brings a rush of emotions. You deepen the kiss, your hands roaming over his body, reacquainting yourself with every line and curve.

As the kiss grows more passionate, you feel a familiar heat building between you. Sangyeon's hands slide down your back, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. His touch is gentle yet insistent, a reminder of how much he’s missed you.

You pull away from the kiss, tightening your grip on his arms. Leaning your forehead against his chest, your hands move to his back, pressing your fingers into his skin, fearing that he’d be stripped away from you. “Please…come back to me,” you begin to sob.

Sangyeon brings his hand to cup your cheek. You look up at him and find that he is crying too. You don’t see him cry often, which makes you cry even more. “I never left. And I never will, Y/N, you hear me?”

You nod. “Yes, loud and clear.” Your lips are reunited once more, the kiss filled with desperation and longing. Eventually your kisses venture down further, with whispers of praise in each touch.

He then hoists you up, presses you against the wall, and without wasting time, he inches his throbbing cock to your pussy lips, glistening with need. When you feel him inching slowly inside you, his deep thrusts overcome you with passion. You haven’t even come yet, but having Sangyeon fill you up completely sends you to the heavens. Hearing your moans and feeling your warm cunt hug him so well is a song Sangyeon has missed. The patter of water from the shower head hitting your skin mixes with the rhythm of your bodies moving together, creating a symphony of intimacy.

Through labored breaths, Sangyeon declares his love for you as he thrusts into your cunt. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you.”

You cling to him, bucking up your hips to meet his thrusts, as your own whispered confessions blends with his. “I love you too, Sangyeon. I never stopped.”

Your shared moans fill the shower as the past weeks of pain and misunderstandings are washed away. Neither of you could help yourselves. Those two weeks apart tortured you both deeply, that both your movements and touches were so desperate…rough…as if this was the first and the last time you would feel each other like this.

When you tangle your fingers in his hair, Sangyeon looks at you with hooded eyes filled with lust and yearning.

“Y/N…I..”

“Inside please I want all of you, Sangie!” you plead.

As you both reach the peak of your passion together, Sangyeon feels so drunk on the euphoria, that he continues to thrust faster, letting you both linger in the state of bliss, until he eventually slows down, cradling you in his arms. The world outside ceases to exist, leaving only the two of you in this moment of rekindled love.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Hi! It's me again, here's my request, I really hope you understand what I mean 💖

So I was thinking about something a bit angsty like they were in a relationship but break up for whatever reason you think about (but they still love each other), so one time Steven see a friend of the reader and he ask them about her, and the friend tells him that the reader it's not doing so great, and the reader see Donna (I don't know, but I just could think about her), and Donna tells her how bad Steven is doing and basically tells her that he loves her and they should come back together so he starts working properly again because he's not doing his job like before they broke up. So she goes to his apartment and doesn't find him (same for him who goes to her place and doesn't find her), but on the way home they find each other in the middle of the rain, and you can end it however you want, but with them together 💖

hii honey!! ugh I love this!! I had fun writing this but I must say, the ending is slight rushed, I do apologise. but thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 also I just now realised I forgot to mention about steven talking to readers friend, but that happens like the same time reader is talking to donna, sorry

time apart

Steven Grant x f reader

wc || 1003

・₊✧ masterlist + taglist

You and Steven had decided to split two weeks ago now. There was no anger, no animosity, no bitterness- just a purely mutual break which made it near-impossible to process. There were only a tiny collection of reasons behind the breakup- and in hindsight, all of them felt inconsequential and minuscule now.

You never fell out of love with Steven, so when you see segments of him in every direction you look, you can't help but feel your heart break just that bit more. No one ever really talks about how difficult it is to food shop after a breakup, how you seem to find everything that reminds you of them. How you'd see a packet of chocolates on the shelf -the ones your ex-lover favours- and how it would make you want to sob in the middle of the aisle, clutching the bag to your chest. Or how you'd see their favourite soup sitting in the reduced section, even how you had to resist the habit to fill the basket with their favourite snacks. Breaking routine was difficult, and it was not something you enjoyed.

Before finishing your quick shop for dinner items, you make your way over to the freezers, deciding to treat yourself to some ice cream until you spot someone familiar. You wanted to turn around, but they had already spotted you. 

"Donna," you say with a fake smile, faux niceties as you walk closer. You weren't a fan of her, and you hated how mean she was to Steven, how she'd always pick on him.

"Hey, you," she wryly smiles- she forgot your name, but that didn't bother you. "I heard, sorry," she adds, an uncomfortable expression on her face.

"Yeah—"

She cuts you off. "While I have you here, I need to speak with you— it's about Steven... he's so miserable, and it's affecting his work— god, he's been such a mope lately, and it's bumming everyone out. Always gabbing on about how much he loves and misses you, blah blah nonsense," she trails off, avoiding your gaze as she looks at the pints of ice cream in front. "Look, you guys need to patch things up. I don't care what you do, just— god, Steven, he's getting on my nerves,"

"Yep, okay, thanks. Bye now, Donna," you force a smile, instantly turning on your heel to avoid her. You couldn't stand her, but what she said about Steven played over and over in your mind. It hurt your heart to know he was also struggling, but for your own selfish reasons, it made you feel slightly better, as if it was confirmation that he still cared. 

After picking up some additional items, scanning and paying, you leave the shop, stepping out into the overcast with the canvas bag slung over your shoulder. You had an idea, maybe not your best one, but still, it was an idea. You wanted to see Steven. You told yourself the reason was to check up on him and see how he was doing, see if he was okay. After all, he is still your friend- well, that's what you said to make yourself feel better. And besides, it was en route home.

You get to Steven's flat building and buzz his intercom, waiting somewhat impatiently for him to answer- but he doesn't. The absence of the whiz-like noise hurts your ears, and you feel silly and foolish for acting on your impulses, yet you hang around an extra couple minutes for good measure- thinking too wishfully before you finally decide to write it off.

The overcast turns a few shades darker before eventually raining, so you seek refuge under a nearby bus stop shelter until the heavy shower subsides. Over the road, you hear a familiar voice apologising to some other pedestrian. Your gaze follows the direction of the sound, and you're met once again with Steven- your Steven, who was standing soaking wet with a bouquet of limp flowers in hand. 

"Steven?" you earnestly smile, rushing over to his side of the road without a second thought.

He whispers your name, speaking as if he couldn't quite believe his eyes. "Oh my god— how—" he softly chuckles, looking over your sweet face, watching the rain droplets sit over your skin. "I— um," he lightly sighs, shaking his head like he was clearing a thought. "How are you? How you been?"

"Yeah, alright," you nod as you brush wet strands of hair behind your ear. "Just uh— missed you," you sadly smile, looking into his downhearted dark brown eyes. "Quite a lot," you quietly add.

"I've missed you," he smiles, his features softening. "These are for you," he says, extending the flowers to you. "I went over to yours," he pauses. "I went over to see you and give you these— sorry they look battered," he chuckles.

"You went to see me? I just went to see you," you grin. "But you also weren't in," softly laugh, playfully nudging his arm. 

His gaze lowers to the floor, and a wide smile spreads across his lips. "We’re gonna catch a cold out here, want to come over mine— it's closer than it is to yours," he offers, speaking sweetly.

"If you don't mind," you smile, cutely shrugging your shoulders.

"No, of course not," he grins, lacing his hand into yours as he leads you across the street. "We can get some dinner? Only if you want to— I don't want to push you or anything," he stutters, his eyes darting over your face.

"I would love that." you smile, squeezing into his hand.

For the rest of the evening, you enjoyed your time together just like old times. You both showered and changed into pyjamas before cooking dinner using the ingredients you bought earlier. As you ate, you caught up, sharing stories of your time apart, reminiscing on the old and talking hopefully of the new. You wanted to give things another go, and luckily for you, Steven did too. 

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

taglist: @thewinterv @bubblezuku @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @queerponcho @selfryed @ugh09876554444

[literali1110]

Rookie 6x07 Thoughts

A few general thoughts:

This entire Bailey Nolan baby storyline is so cringy, also why is Celina talking to Nolan about this?

I don't love podcam eps, I feel as though you don't always get as much emotion from the characters. Plus all of these eps seem the same - missing person, helicopter, personal conversation over the radios...

"your sister" - why can't they name her??

Celina: I do not like the way she (and Nolan) talked about Lucy this episode. I didn't care for Celina before but this made me really not like her, it seems like she's just using Lucy for a place to live. I feel like Lucy should just live alone at this point.

The last scene with Lucy and Tamara was super sweet! Is this the last of Tamara though?

Tim/Lucy/Chenford Thoughts:

I can't believe they finally gave us a betting pool only to make it into a breakup pool - talking about cheating, secret kid - it seriously feels like they read everything we write and then use it to laugh at us

I liked how Lucy was dealing with things this episode for the most part: I liked that she walked away from Tim and that she gave him a piece of her mind at the end of the episode. And realized she can't help him if he doesn't want it/let her.

I enjoyed the ride along with Grey, I liked that he checked in about detective exam too

Loved her little "I should decide what I deserve" monologue, I hope she gets to say it all to Tim eventually

Blair was blunt with Tim but ultimately I think she got through to him, he was trying to cover it up but he seemed emotional. I just wish he was going through this process with a non-potential villain.

Didn't love that he still insists he was her boss not her friend, maybe this is also to protect her?

The hallway conversation: I feel like Tim was acting even worse here to Lucy in comparison to the breakup - first, trying to pretend everything is normal, and then doubling down on the breakup and saying he can't be what she needs (rude!). Good for her for responding how she did.

I think it highlighted even more how much work Tim needs to do on himself before we can even think about them moving forward. And in addition - he's going to need to make it up to Lucy. I think he was still so wrapped up in himself this episode he hasn't totally realized how much he her hurt her too. The conversation probably helped him realize he needed more help.

I'm interested in seeing where things go, I could see him apologizing to Lucy in the finale and telling her he's in therapy, as a first step - but her still not taking him back (I would like that).

I liked that he went to get help at the end. When I watched it, the idea of it being a suggestive shot did not cross my mind at all - and I don't think that was what they were going for unless it was meant to be ominous because of the office camera? If something happens between them I would NOT be ok with it!

I do wonder what he meant about it being an emergency - it seemed to allude to her comment earlier about self-harm/suicide but I'm not sure that was what they meant??

[authorautumnbanks]

One Night (17)

"Oh, he looks like he has a big dick," Yuka whispers, as she leans forward, resting her arms on the table. "Girl, that's who you need to move on with. Even if it's just for one night." She's still dressed in her office attire, with her coat hanging on the back of the chair.

The pop-up cafe is not nearly as busy as it is during the day, but the service is still nice and the cat decor keeps Koushi's interest. Because it is so close to the apartment, Kagome opted to walk over rather than drive.

Eri sniffs and looks up from her bowl of ice cream. She blushes and her mouth drops. "He's freaking hot!" Eri tugs at her shirt collar. "Damn, he looks like he likes it rough. Looks rich too... but he's got a kid with him." Eri falters for a second.

Kagome shakes her head and pats Koushi's back. "I think you need to take some time for yourself."

Eri frowns and then brightens. "Oh! He's coming over here." She grabs a napkin and dabs her eyes. "How do I look?" She pushes her breasts up.

"You look fine." Eri should take some time to heal from her breakup, but she's a grown woman and Kagome can't say much to her, especially since Eri and the girls told her long ago to leave InuYasha alone. But... the breakup just happened today. Eri really should allow herself some time to process everything.

Eri scoots back and stands. "Hi!" She tucks her hair behind her ear.

Kagome blinks and looks up. "Satoru? What are you doing here?"

Satoru pushes his shades up and then kisses her. Shippo huffs from his place on Satoru's shoulders. "Saw you in the window. We were on our way to pick up the pizzas."

Koushi squirms and holds out his hands. Satoru picks him up and holds him out in front of him. Shippo grabs Satoru's shades and puts them on.

"Uhhh Kagome?" Eri says. "You know this man?"

Kagome blinks. "This is Satoru, Koushi, and Shippo's dad." Kagome points at Eri. "Satoru, this is Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi. We've known each other since middle school."

The girls freeze and their eyes snap to Shippo.

"Oh... but you guys aren't together now?"

Satoru grunts. Kagome tilts her head slightly to the side. Aren't together? Satoru just kissed her. "We are together." She stands and grabs her purse. "Satoru, could you give us a moment?"

Satoru stares for a moment and then nods his head. He doesn't look back as he walks out of the pop up cafe with Shippo and Koushi.

"Sorry for keeping you guys in the dark about a lot of things," Kagome says. "And not telling you guys about Shippo."

"You said Koushi was a one-night stand," Eri says. "And you didn't have his number."

"There were some things going on and—"

Ayumi holds up a hand. "I think it's better that we don't know. That's why you didn't share before, right?"

"Ayumi!"

"As long as he treats you right, then I'm fine with him," Ayumi continues. "He seemed better than InuYasha, at least at a glance."

Kagome smiles. Out of all her friends, Ayumi is the only one that truly has her back.

"You guys cannot be serious. Suddenly, Kagome has another kid we don't know about?"

"Eri, hush. You're just mad you can't hop on his dick." Ayumi rolls her eyes.

The smile slides off Kagome's face. Her stomach churns. Right, Eri was talking about Satoru. She waits for Eri to deny it, but instead Eri blusters and sits back down in the chair.

So, it's like that. Kagome sucks her teeth and plasters a smile on her face. "I'm going to head out early." Not that she was planning to stay for very long anyway, but when Eri hit the group chat up saying it was an emergency, Kagome wanted to be there for her. "Maybe next time we should meet up at a spa close by?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful," Ayumi says. Yuka nods and then elbows Eri.

"... Yeah. Sure."

Kagome narrows her eyes. "Is it really because of Satoru or is it because of the things I left out?" And here she's been feeling awful for having to lie to her friends.

Eri huffs and picks up her spoon. "You're overthinking it." She stabs the ice cream with the spoon and then scoops some up. "Besides, a guy like that is probably just as sketchy as InuYasha was. I get it. You can't tell us for our safety or whatever." She frowns as she stares at the spoon. "But you should be careful." Eri blows out a breath and looks at her. "A guy like that is community dick."

Heat spreads throughout her body from her fingertips to her toes. "Satoru isn't a cheater," she hisses. "Don't talk about him like that."

"That's what they all say," Eri says right before eating her ice cream. "They all say that. You can look at him and tell that he can't be satisfied with just one woman. I'm not trying to be mean."

"You can't be serious," Ayumi groans. "Not all men cheat. You saying your brother is cheating on Yuka?"

"He better fucking not be," Yuka says, whipping her head around to stare at Eri.

Eri splutters. "No, he wouldn't do that. But he's not nearly as attractive as..." Eri clamps her mouth shut and presses a hand to her forehead. "Kagome, you understand what I'm trying to... Kagome?"

Kagome blinks. Her body is light. Feels like that time her soul was ripped out. "I don't understand, because what you are describing is not how Satoru is." She scoots the chair in and touches her necklace. "Maybe we both need time to cool down." Before she reaches across the table and slams Eri's head on it. Between dealing with InuYasha and Hana today, having to deal with this from someone she considers a friend is a low blow.

"I'm not trying to fight with you." Eri rolls her eyes. "And I don't know why everyone is acting like the men around here don't cheat. Wouldn't it be better if it was with someone that has your interests at heart—Ah!" Eri jerks back and falls to the ground. The chair creaks underneath her.

Ayumi and Yuka jump to their feet and try to help Eri up. The flames grow larger. An employee shouts and comes running forward. Ayumi meets her gaze and mouths for her to go. Kagome presses her lips together and slips away during the chaos.

Oh Kami. She nearly killed Eri. But how? She doesn't have any fire powers. The cool night air does nothing to calm the fury simmering under her skin. Though what was that look from Ayumi? Almost as if she knows more than she should.

"Everything okay in there?" Satoru asks. Kagome exhales and shakes her head. "Do I need to check it out?"

"No. Let's just get the pizzas and go home." She moves closer to his side and tries to quiet her thoughts. This isn't like her. She doesn't react like that, at least not towards her friends. "It's just a small fire. They should be able to put it out." Kagome holds out her hands. "I can take Koushi."

Satoru shrugs and holds Koushi out for her.

"Mama tried to kill someone," Shippo whispers, but not quite enough.

Kagome shoots him a look.

"Is that what the spike in energy was about?" Satoru hums. "I can go back and finish the job, then."

"It's fine," Kagome repeats, cradling Koushi to her chest, as she walks side by side with Satoru. "My friend... ex-friend, suggested I give my blessing for her to sleep with you." She peeks at him from the corner of her eye. Satoru's lips twist back.

"You know, we could get that island and it could just be us," he jokes. "Too bad your friend Sango couldn't come here. I liked her. Your other friends suck... and the offer still stands if you want me to get rid of her."

Kagome swallows back the retort. "Isn't that what curse users do?"

"I'd kill for you," he says easily. "Shippo, can I get my shades back?" Satoru smiles as Shippo slides the shades back on him.

Kagome shakes her head. She doesn't need him to kill Eri.

They walk to the pizza shop, where Kagome learns Shippo and Satoru do not know what it means to not be gluttons.

"Did we need five pizzas?" She asks as they make their way back home.

"Shippo wanted to try a bunch out. If he doesn't eat it, I will," Satoru quips. Shippo nods while he munches on a breadstick.

Kagome sighs. Looks like Satoru's shoulders are Shippo's new favorite spot. "I got you a console, but you can play it tomorrow. You can pick out a movie for us to watch." She eyes Shippo and then Satoru. "Did he behave?"

Satoru snorts. "He acted like my kid."

So, is that a yes or a no?

Shippo beams, so Kagome takes that as a no, Shippo did not behave, but Satoru handled it.

"Papa showed me some cool tricks, and I got to take out a small curse," Shippo says. "And we got ca-ke," he says slowly.

Kagome side eyes Satoru. "Really?"

"Sorry, I was trying to fill a craving. Didn't work though. Wasn't sweet enough." He smirks.

Wasn't sweet enough?

Realization slams into her and her cheeks warm despite the cool night air.

"Are you going to be another Miroku?" Shippo asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Always on Mama like Miroku is with Sango."

"Ah, then yes." Satoru sighs. "If only my hands weren't full."

"You know, since there's only one bed, Shippo will be sleeping with us," Kagome points out.

Satoru pouts. "I'll call the realtor tomorrow. Nah, I'll call them as soon as we get home."

"It's kind of late, though."

"They'll get over it. I'm throwing more money their way for the process to go faster," he says flippantly. "Need to get everyone passports, too."

"What's a passport?"

"Basically, a form of identification for traveling outside of the country. We're going somewhere with a different culture and language."

"How?"

"On an airplane..." Satoru pauses. "Might be better to get a private jet. Tell you what, I'll pick out a movie and point stuff out."

Kagome's eyes widen. Private jet? "You're going to buy a plane?"

"Why not? Shippo may not always want to look like this," Satoru says. "And who knows what stunts the other kids will pull? I mean, we could let the old man use it too, since he and your mom seem to be hitting it off." Satoru grimaces. "Did they set your mom and grandpa up in a hotel?"

"No, Mom was happy to go with Syouma and see the estate. Gramps grumbled, but said he was curious, too."

"Disgusting."

Kagome laughs as she fetches the key out of her purse. "It's not that bad as long as you don't think about it."

"It's revolting."

Kagome shakes her head as she flips on the light switch. Shippo runs past her towards the shopping bags on the floor and rubs his hands together.

"Oh, I didn't use the card and you should just call the realtor in the morning."

Satoru sets the boxes of pizzas and breadsticks on the coffee table. "Keep it. I didn't grab any more yen while I was out and I have other cards." He turns on the TV, smiling when Shippo squeals, and searches for a movie to watch. "Alright, something funny..."

Kagome puts Koushi in his rocker and then heads to the kitchen for drinks and plates. She sets the drinks and plates down next to the boxes and then heads to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Kagome sighs as Satoru's arms wrap around her.

"The offer still stands," he murmurs against her ear.

"You'd end up having to get rid of more than half of Japan's population if we went that route." Kagome turns and cranes her neck to look up at him. She slides a hand down and cups him. Satoru's brows raise.

"Baby, we gotta wait until the kids go to bed."

"I know that," she huffs. "I'm just touching you."

Satoru hums and grabs her wrist. He slides her hand into his pants. "That's better," he sighs. "I missed you all day."

"We weren't apart that long." She grips him, enjoying how heavy he is in her palms. "But I missed you too." She leans forward.

"YOU GUYS ARE MISSING THE MOVIE!"

Kagome closes her eyes and rests her head on Satoru. She squeezes him one more time, allowing sparks to flow from her palm to him. Satoru groans.

"Not fair." Satoru pouts and pretends as though he won't let her go. Kagome laughs as she pulls away. She slides out of her pants and throws a look over her shoulder. Satoru holds his hands up.

Yeah, he's not slick.

"We'll be right there!" Kagome yells, though she doesn't need to. Shippo should be able to...damn it, she'll need to remember to put up a barrier. She slides on a pair of pale blue silk shorts and a matching top. The closet is big, but between her stuff, Satoru's, and Koushi's, it's going to be hard to fit in all the stuff she got for Shippo.

Satoru puts on a pair of black sweats and puts their clothes in the hamper. He advances on her and pulls her in for a kiss. It starts off slow and gentle, but the emotion behind it has her weak in the knees. When he goes to pull away, she catches his bottom lip and nips him.

His nostrils flare and right as his hands grope her ass, Kagome pulls away and sidesteps him.

"We're missing the movie," she reminds him. Pausing near the door, Kagome stops and looks back. Her mouth pops open. "What are you doing?"

"Just give me a moment."

"... With my underwear?"

"I'm coping." He inhales and then tosses her underwear back in the hamper. "Okay, I'm ready now."

Kagome shakes her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me," he replies, as he picks her up. Kagome flushes. He keeps dropping that word today. "Oi, Shippo, did you leave some for us?"

Shippo looks over at them and motions to the boxes on the table. "Yeah, but the one with all the meat is mine." He eats a slice of pizza in one hand and shakes a baby rattle in the other. Koushi claps his hands together, seemingly enthralled by Shippo.

"Oh yeah, Shoko wants to meet you," Satoru says as he sits down on the couch with Kagome in his lap. "Thought maybe a dinner here or we could go out."

Kagome nods. "She's the healer, right?"

"Yep...do you think she would be able to see anything?"

Kagome huffs. "I'm telling you, it's too soon." She leans forward and grabs a plate for them, stacking a couple of slices for Satoru. "You took what Sesshomaru said and ran with it."

"He said what I wanted to hear." Satoru takes a bite of pizza. "Shippo, are you coming with me tomorrow or hanging here?"

"With you."

Koushi kicks his legs and makes a fuss.

"Oh, did you want to come too?" Satoru coos. Kagome slides off Satoru's lap, but keeps her legs on him. He reaches over the couch and picks Koushi up. "Course you can come." Satoru cradles Koushi with one arm and grabs his pizza slice from the table. "You should take some time for yourself," Satoru says, this time to Kagome. "I can handle the boys."

"You don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes," he stresses, "But for this situation, I want you to relax. I'll take the boys and we can pop in when Koushi needs to eat. It'll be fine."

Kagome scrunches her nose. "Fine, but if anything happens, then call me."

"I'll be on my best behavior," Shippo adds.

"Well, now I'm worried."

***

A/N: I know I know, this isn't Wish I Could or How To Tame, but I needed something a little lighter this week. My HVAC system went out and I have been slowly dying.

I'll probably end up doing another chapter from Naoya's POV. He's gonna be going through it once he hears about Shippo. Also I think I'll keep the 'shi' in the kid's names going just so Satoru can say he's raising a death squad. Death to the higher-ups and their ideals.

Hope you have an awesome rest of your week! Stay hydrated. Keep cool. And make sure to refill your well.

[writer-in-theory]

🚪☁️🤮 steddie for the build a blurb meme pls!!

ooh this is a fun set of prompts thank you!!

build-a-blurb prompts || send me a request

prompts: 🚪- showing up at the other's door begging for comfort, ☁️- enemies to lovers, 🤮- fake dating

--

There was no good explanation for how Steve Harrington standing outside Eddie Munson's trailer at 3 in the morning.

One second he was standing in Tina's bathroom being told that his entire year-long relationship was bullshit, and the next he was standing in the middle of the town's trailer park with absolutely no memory of the walk over there. Normally Munson would have been at the party, but after a few cursory glimpses around the house he found the dealer was oddly missing.

It was cold. Steve's arms were littered with goosebumps under his jacket and his legs hadn't stopped shivering, proving how long he'd been standing there. Just knock.

The door swung open before he could, nearly rapping Steve's knuckles as he lifted them to knock. Eddie Munson stood there—hair disheveled and brown eyes looking tired, though slowly awakening as he realized who was standing there.

"Were you gonna stand on my front step all night, Harrington?" Eddie asked, already beginning to feign coolness by leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms. "Tryin' to see how the other half live?"

"I..." Steve started, opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to find the right words. "I need to buy."

"I'm not selling tonight, big boy."

"I need it," Steve punctuated. Idly, he wondered what his dad would think of him begging on Munson's doorstep like this. It's a good thing his parents are in Chicago again. "I just, please."

Eddie must have seen something in his face, because suddenly he was swiping a hand over his own face and moving back from the doorway. "What d'you want then, Harrington?"

Steve had no idea. He didn't do this shit. Sometimes he'd smoke with Tommy, but he never bought it. This was so far out of his element he couldn't help but stand awkwardly in the Munson trailer, arms wrapping around his middle like that might spare him from thinking about what he was doing. This was the only thing he could think of, though, that might ease the sharp sting in his chest. It felt like something had been ripped out of him, all the wire-like nerves frayed and shocking inside of the empty chest cavity.

"Whatever's strongest," Steve said.

Eddie raised one eyebrow, considering him for a moment before sighing and asking, "What's happening here?"

"Nothing. I want...drugs. Yeah, drugs."

"Drugs, yeah, okay, Harrington," Eddie breathed in shock, shaking his head. "What sent straight-laced, golden boy Steve Harrington to drugs?"

"None of your business, Munson," Steve instinctively snapped. They may be in the same graduating class now, but that didn't mean they got along. Steve can't remember the last time they ever spoke kindly to one another, if they even had. It was the simple fact that Steve was a jock and Eddie was decidedly not that had split them apart before they'd ever had a chance to see if they fit.

Steve had to wonder if that even held up anymore, considering how little he seemed to actually know about the world. He was so different from who he'd been even just a year ago, maybe Munson wasn't all so bad.

So he sighed, ran his fingers through his hair like it might reset the situation, then said, "Nancy broke up with me."

Eddie just looked at him, a little smile he was fighting back against on his face. "You're....Let me get this straight. Steve Harrington is turning to hard drugs to get over a little breakup?"

"It wasn't little," Steve snapped immediately, crossing his arms over his chest and looking off to the side so he didn't have to face Eddie. "Is that a yes or no, man?"

"...Sure. Sure, man." Eddie left to grab some box, walked him through the whole process. "You mind staying here while you use? I don't wanna get blamed when you do something stupid."

That was how he ended up sitting on Eddie Munson's couch, Eddie offering him some pill while he took his own. The effects set in fairly quickly, numbing his senses and, most importantly, dulling the sharp stabbing ache in his chest. It wasn't the best feeling in the world—it left Steve with the lingering feeling that he wouldn't be able to defend himself if another demogorgon decided to make its brutal appearance—but it was preferrable to the raw ache of the breakup.

"...she told me it was all bullshit. I should've seen it coming, she's been in loved with Byers all year."

"Jonathan Byers? That's harsh, man," Eddie hissed, "What're you gonna do?"

It was easier talking like this. The music Eddie was playing hurt Steve's throbbing head a little, but he could appreciate the beat of it. He mostly liked hearing Eddie's voice and the way it reverberated around his head. The guy could a little harsh with his jokes, but they'd talked more than Steve had talked to too many others all year.

"No idea," Steve confessed, turning his head on the couch to face Eddie. "I'll be the laughingstock of the school tomorrow, when she shows up with Byers and I show up alone. There'll be no saving it."

"I mean..." Eddie trailed off, raising his eyebrows pointedly like Steve was supposed to catch on. "If your only problem is that you can't be the single one tomorrow, we could fix that."

"Yeah? How'd you propose we do that, Munson?"

"I'll be your boyfriend for as long as you need me, no problem," Eddie offered, "if you keep the basketball team off my ass for the rest of the year."

It was crazy. Steve knew it was a bad idea, and yet all he could think to do was nod his head. It would solve his problem, and honestly he still had enough pull with the team as captain to make it work. And hey, if Eddie wasn't so bad tonight then he couldn't be the worst fake boyfriend, right? And it would at least keep the rumor mill off his back, and would save him the dignity of walking into the school with clear evidence that he hadn't been enough for Nancy.

"You know what, deal. Be my boyfriend, Eddie Munson."

[missgryffin]

☰ send a fic and an unrelated trope and I’ll remix it

vindicated & amnesia 🥰

so anon chose violence today 😭

2k answer below the cut (obviously Vindicated spoilers ahead)

(ask from this list!)

🎶 have I known you twenty seconds, or twenty years? 🎶

About a year out from Hogwarts, James disappears on a mission, is found severely injured, and is ultimately taken, unconscious, to St. Mungo's. When he wakes up, he doesn't remember anything. The Healers don't know if his memory loss is due to head trauma or magic, or some combination of the two. But he's been in such a deep, dark grief over the loss of Lily that those closest to him think it best to let this be a fresh start/new life for him, and so they don't investigate his memory loss further. He continues working for the Order, getting back on his feet and back up to speed with magic with the help of Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and ultimately works his way back to being important enough as a leader that Dumbledore sends him as part of the delegation to America to seek MACUSA's aid.

He also, in this new lease on life, has found romance with a young woman named Emmeline Vance. They were connected through the Order, and though Emmeline had gone to Hogwarts, she was two years older than James and in Ravenclaw, so their paths hadn't really crossed in school anyway. Emmeline had gone to work at the Ministry after school, and was recruited to join the Order after the disastrous mission that left James injured, so she doesn't know much about James's life "before." James's closest friends don't talk about Lily much around James; they've alluded that he had a "bad breakup" after school, but have tried to downplay it so that he can move on without dwelling on it, and so this is the gist that Emmeline knows as well.

When Lily sees him in the Octagon Office, she's still practically brought to her knees, but James doesn't recognize her at all. She's so confused and convinced he's just ignoring her or playing some retributive game. So she slips him a note asking to meet that night to discuss some aspects of the intel that are more top secret, knowing that James wouldn't be able to turn that down even if he was trying to avoid her.

They meet at the Blind Pig and James is so earnestly asking about the intel that Lily's like "ok wait…do you really not know who I am?" James is politely puzzled, like "Er…no? Should I?" And the shock on Lily's face must clue him in, because he tells her, "I, um, actually had a bad accident a few years ago. An order mission. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember anything. I just woke up in St. Mungo's…" Lily's internally panicking and doesn't know what he has or hasn't been told, so she just says, "Oh, we were in Gryffindor together, same year at Hogwarts" and he's like "Oh cool. So you're in America now?" And they kind of make small talk for a bit? Because Lily can't tell him everything. And in the course of their small talk about her life and his life back home, he of course casually mentions his girlfriend. Lily's heart drops. She's barely able to keep up polite conversation, but she manages. Then she's like "well we should probably head out, get rested for tomorrow." And he's like "what about the intel?" And she gets all flustered and has to admit that that was a ruse to get him to meet her because she was convinced that he was playing games with her by not recognizing her. And James is frowning, like "Why would I do that?" And Lily's like shit shit shit in her head and covers it up with, "We, er, didn't always get on at school? Kind of an up and down thing. And it didn't exactly leave on on good terms when I, erm, left for America." James still seems like he's processing this all, and they leave through the alleyways. But before she leaves he grabs her arm ("Wait—") and is chewing his lip before he asks, "Were we…?" Lily swallows hard. "A…a bit, yeah. At school." "Oh." "But it was a long time ago." "Okay." And they part ways.

On the boat, the first day's planning sessions go normally. Lily tries to avoid James as best she can because it's too painful, but seeing him in action, she's confronted with the James she knew and fell in love with, even if he doesn't know it. Late at night, she can't sleep, and so she wanders up on deck with some tea. James is already there, bracing against the railing and just watching the ocean. He spots her over his shoulder. "Sorry," Lily says. "I didn't mean to disturb you." "No, you're not at all, I just…couldn't sleep." "Me either." They slip into a surprisingly deep conversation. James is trying to process a lot of information. Tells her, "I just have this nagging feeling…and I don't know what it is, or what it means. But I feel like I should remember, and I don't. And I feel like other people know, but they're not telling me. I can just…see it in their eyes, you know? There's more than they're saying. More than you're saying. Something happened at school, I just know it, and no one's telling me what it is." It feels like her heart's being ripped out of her chest. "Maybe…if something did happen…people think it's for the best not to remember?" James scoffs, looking back out at the ocean. "It's my life. My memories. I should decide if I want to forget them or not." They've drifted closer together, and when a hard wave rocks the boat, James catches her against him. They have an eye-lock moment, and Lily wants more than anything to kiss him, but she doesn't and goes to bed.

The second day, Lily feels James's eyes on her more. There's the start of a strange, sizzling tension that she's trying to push away. That evening, a small group is having a nightcap. Ruby's asking James about his girlfriend. He's seeming a little awkward, keeps glancing at Lily as he answers. Ruby's cooing over his relationship and like, "Aww, love isn't dead after all." When James is like "Huh?" Ruby's like "Well, I've been jaded by the awful dating scene in New York, and Lily's been hung up on some ex guy for years—"

James immediately looks at Lily; she's mortified and makes an excuse to run away to her room. James follows her, they're standing on opposite sides of the door as James is like "Lily…" but she cuts him off. "Don't." "Can we please talk?" "You should go." "Was that me? Your ex Ruby was referring to?" Lily doesn't answer, and in the waiting silence, Ken comes down. They're running into the fringes of a huge storm, and they need all hands on deck.

After the danger of the storm has passed, they reassemble as a group. James is drenched in ocean; Lily's drenched in sweat, stripped down to a sports bra and covered in soot. They're eye-fucking the shit out of each other. But nothing transpires, and Lily cleans up in her en suite before getting some sleep.

Tension only seems to build on the third day, and reality settles in as they all realize the gravity of what lies very soon ahead of them. James comes to Lily's room that night. It starts off arguing because Lily's trying to push him away, but James is like, "This is what you meant, isn't it? Up and down? You and me? Just like this?" She doesn't want to answer, James is reaching a breaking point, like, "Just fucking tell me." They're so close their chests are practically touching, and he lowers his voice. "It's bad enough, seeing you every day, feeling so many things I'm not supposed to fucking feel —" She can't help herself. "Like what? What do you feel?" His eyes are wild. "I wanted to rip those clothes off you last night," he admits. "I can't keep my eyes off you. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop…fucking wanting you. But all of it also feels…familiar, somehow." He tucks her hair behind her ear. "Like we've done this before."

Her tears bead over. "We have," she whispers. "Many...many times." He cups her cheeks. "We could die tomorrow." A shuddering breath. "We could." His nose nudges along hers. "I really don't want to die not remembering twenty years of my life." Lily breathes, "Emmeline…" but James gives a slight shake of his head. "What I do trying to get my memories back — get my life back — is on my conscience, not yours." More tears come. "But it is," she protests. "What I did…James, I'm what they don't want you to remember." "I don't understand." Lily cups his face. "You're not supposed to," she tells him, crying. "You're supposed to move on." For a long moment, they study each other; she can tell he's thinking. Then he mutters, "That's bullshit," and kisses her.

It's home. It's sweet, warm fire. It's giddy first times and insatiable desire. One kiss turns into long, deep kisses, turns into hands all over each other, turns into a night of giving in to each other. He's so different but also still the same, and she thinks he's feeling the same thing, even though he can't understand it like she can.

"Whatever you did," he mumbles into her neck while they're naked, entwined, coming down. "I forgive you." Lily's cry-laughing. "That's not how it works, James." "Sure it is." He cradles her head, gazes into her eyes. "If I don't make it out tomorrow—" "James—" "I forgive you."

----

The mission happens the same, only Emmeline is there at the start, and Lily looks away from them embracing after she sees Emmeline go in for a kiss. That's when she talks to the Marauders.

James doesn't remember school year drama with Snape, but there's been enough adult bad tension since that he still hates him. Lily saves James's life. Dumbledore explains about Horcruxes. Lily agrees to start this quest of finding them. And then Emmeline bursts through the door, flooded with relief at seeing James alive. "I heard —" They embrace, and Lily feels sick. James tells Emmeline, "I still have to take care of a few things. I'll come by after, yeah?"

On Dumbledore's orders, he takes Lily to a safe house Dumbledore owns that's currently unoccupied, a little cottage in a village called Godric's Hollow, not far from the Potters' estate, which is currently being used as Order Headquarters and which is where the Marauders live. Lily wants to be in his arms more than anything, but she feels guilty and dirty over what they did and how he doesn't remember the truth of all that transpired between them. James is very firm as he says, "I'm going to tell her what happened. And then I'm going to figure out how to get my memories back."

Lily knows there's no stopping him once he's set his mind to something, but she's also terrified: "You might hate me." Sirius shows up. "I had a feeling something was going on." James is angry at Sirius for keeping stuff from him. The arguing escalates. Lily's like, "James, once you go down this path, there's no going back. You have a life now, a happy life. You don't have all the pain I caused—"

"I WANT THE PAIN!" he shouts at both of them. "I can't keep living a life not feeling like it's truly mine. I'm missing twenty years. Twenty." His gaze lands on Lily, blazing. "And after what you made me feel within a matter of fucking days…I can't go back. I can't pretend."

James and Sirius leave, Lily's an emotional mess, and that's where we end? Except then there's more, like a sequel or a part 2, wherein they all live in the fallout while searching for Horcruxes. Lily has to repair her relationships with the Marauders. James has a messy breakup with Emmeline. They don't know who the mole was. James and Lily are struggling to stay away from each other (cue lots of cozy but slightly forbidden feeling Godric's Hollow sex). Lily and the Marauders are trying to research Horcruxes while also figure out how to get James his memories back. He ultimately does but it results in Jily taking a break—

[taylortruther]

Rae I was just having thoughts about You're Losing Me a while ago, and it really is just such an enigmatic song yk. I can never explain the way it made me feel the first time I heard it.

Just sumn about hearing all those wonderful, romantic, idyllic love songs about Joe for five whole albums and then just. YLM hits you like a truck because till then we still hadn't processed it all. Joe had been painted as this perfect, calm supportive partner who can do no wrong and Taylor is happy and it will always stay that way...and then April 9th happened.

Public perception is a crazy thing, and it's even crazier how nobody even DARED to speak the words that thy could've broken up before they did...but the red flags were there all along. It reminds me of the line in sotb "I don't speak, afraid to jinx it" and now that song is in the denial playlist. Truly everyone was in denial for like a month after the news dropped and we weren't even IN the relationship, I can't imagine how bad it was for Taylor herself.

Someone on Twitter quoted the breakup announcement with "Isn't this the guy she wrote Lover for? Yeah, we're all screwed". Amazing how much her own songs made everyone believe everything was okay till the very last moments.

I think especially what YLM strikes me as is a song centered around not wanting to throw away a "good thing" i.e. the Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

YLM is so horribly bleak imo, because it's not hopeful AT ALL. The last line is very literally her "making the decision" that unless he chooses her, she's done. And to think this was written in 2021?? Had she already accepted the truth back then? Did the denial stage start even BEFORE that? Was she sitting in the dark room for an year and a half?

The thing that hurts the most about a song like this with all the lyric parallels, is watching something you thought was gonna last forever turn out to be so disapointing in the end. Not WANTING to lose something you've built with so much love, even when you realise that the love has disappeared. The shattering of a mirage. All the We survived the great war imagery on Midnights to My heart won't start anymore for you. Her paralleling her own past songs will always break me. The silence that only comes when two people understand each other to You say 'I don't understand' and I say 'I know you don't'.

Of course the fandom believed at a point that they were endgame, but SO DID SHE. That is what makes the song harder to digest because it really feels like a personal letter to her fans, released ONLY for us months before it was made available to the public. I stand behind the theory that Midnights was the Denial album, and YLM (the bridge between Midnights and TTPD) is her waking up.

i know this isn't the point of your ask, but bear with me! i would argue that many fans realized some songs were describing dark or heavy moments - but, call it parasocial if you like, the fandom just wanted to believe they were working through those issues, not that the relationship was unhealthy or bad. (and no one wants to be labeled as a hater, which, maybe we can work on as a fandom now lol.) for example, i thought hoax and renegade were troubling, the line "your integrity makes me seem small" rubbed many of us the wrong way, we all clocked "maybe it was her"... meanwhile, unfortunately there were lots of theories about how it was "all in her head," which fortunately i think we can all put in perspective now. OK BUT MY POINT IS, it also makes it easy to imagine (as you said), that when you're IN the relationship itself, the good parts might overshadow the bad. you could cling to something that is beyond saving because there's still comfort or hope, and denial is extremely strong. denial can feel like hope tbh.

i think ylm really shows that she was trying so so hard, for so so long, that she was running out of steam in late 2021. and he wasn't make it easier for her, because he wasn't making his needs or true desires clear.

ANYWAY good thoughts, i enjoyed this ask!